Sandance

The whole point of going to Dubai for the weekend, originally, was because we'd all bought tickets to go to Sandance. And although we wound up doing plenty that weekend, Sandance really was the culminating event.

A month or so before I flew out there, I'd seen that Florence + The Machine was slated to play Dubai. I saw F+TM open for U2 a couple of summers ago, and she is just as amazing in concert as she is produced. But not only that, she was appearing with a pretty fantastic line-up at Atlantis Dubai. 

Sandance is really an all-day event, but we went just for the night portion of it. Traffic getting out to Atlantis was pretty bad - it's located on the very outer ring of the Palm Island that Dubai is so famous for, and there is one way onto the island and one way off - a four lane highway/tunnel that was completely chock-a-block. We took cabs as far into the island as we could, and then managed to get out at Atlantis - but only because we happened to have a friend staying at the hotel. They don't let any other riff raff in, and the actual Sandance concert is located a half mile or so away on a beach. 

Atlantis:


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Because we had a friend staying there, we were able to take an open-air little shuttle bus from the Atlantis grounds directly to Sandance. I'm not entirely sure how everyone else was expected to get there, but I'm told that for Sandances past, a lot of people wind up getting out of their cabs and walking the rest of the way.

I should also mention that it was about 90 degrees, at 9 o'clock at night, with about 80% humidity. Which was actually quite pleasant compared to what it could have been, believe it or not.

I think tickets were going for about $80 a person, and there were options to purchase tables (which come with varying levels of alcohol packages), but we opted for General Admission since we only went for the night portion. The dress, supposedly, was "beach attire" for daytime, but it seemed like everyone was barefoot in shorts or dresses. Also, I'm pretty sure Sandance might have been one big gathering for every ex-pat in the United Arab Emirates. Either that, or a looooot of people flew in from out of town for the event. Sponsored by Toyota, bee-tee-dubs.

The main stage. And 40 bajillion ex-pats.

Drinks were an interesting process. You could buy your drinks individually, standing in a long line and hassling for the bartender's attention, or you could purchase a party pack. Which consisted of this:

That's two bottles of vodka, cranberry juice, coke, and Red Bull. Kind of an excessive amount of sugary mixtures. 

So, basically, I drank vodka and cranberry all night. With some Red Bull.

Getting ready for the headliner!

And...there she is. (On the big screen.) Amazing. SHE IS AMAZING. AND PRETTY. AND AMAZING.

At some point, it was determined that our cooler of vodka and Red Bull was not going to be enough to sustain all of us, and so someone purchased a flat of Heineken. It did not take long for all drinks to disappear. At this point, I think we wondered if maybe the bottle service at the tables would have been a better choice.

 

The concert was pretty amazing, but to be honest, it was one of those large-scale festival-type concerts with a lot of highly intoxicated persons and so the music sort of took second stage. That also could have been because we didn't get there until late, when many of the younger and less-seasoned but more-voracious partiers had been there since like noon. Still, it was a pretty awesome time, the music was fantastic, and the port-a-potties had bidets in them. No lie.

The end of the night got a little hectic as the whole group somehow got separated, but we all made it back to the hotel in various ways. Some of us more efficiently than others (a network of buses and cabs took concert-goers back inland to Dubai, but there was some confusion about which bus was headed to which hotel, and blah blah blah), but we all made it back safely.

And thus ended #ballerweekend in Dubai. As spectacularly as it began.

Epic Brunch

To know me is to understand that one of my most favorite things in the world is brunch. Despite the fact that I worked the brunch shift at a restaurant in Baltimore for five years, which is saying something. 

I'm going to digress for a minute here and speak briefly on the topic of working a brunch shift. There are a few altruisms that exist:

1. The menu says "No Substitutions During Brunch." Everyone will order extensive substitutions, sometimes altering the dish to the point where it is something entirely new. No, you may not order a Belgian waffle with eggs and substitute the waffle for pancakes and the eggs for French toast. You may certainly order pancakes and French toast, if you'd like. No? You still want the Belgian waffle with eggs? WELL, SHOCKINGLY, THAT IS WHAT YOU'RE GETTING. NO, YOU MAY NOT EAT HALF OF IT AND THEN SEND IT BACK CLAIMING THAT IT WASN'T "WHAT YOU ORDERED."

2. That big, glorious sign that says PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED? It exists only in the eyes of the serving staff. 

3. Persons with extensive food allergies - wheat, dairy, legumes, nuts, cinnamon, citrus, and water - like to go out to brunch. It's your job to ensure that their food does not touch any of the above items, or is even in the same room with any of the above items. This means you will have to make a quick trip out of the city to the nearest organic farm, pick a bowl of perfectly ripe berries, and rush it back, in traffic, to the guest. For a 10% tip. No problem.

I digress.

My point: even though working brunch shifts for five years completely ruined parts of my soul that I will never get back, I still love brunch. Looooooove it. Mimosas, Bloody Marys, bagels, eggs, home fries, a lazy meal with friends and loved ones....totes fave.

And then I had to go to Dubai and have every favorite brunch I've ever experienced get totally blown out of the water. First, let's set the scene.

This was Day 2 of #ballerweekend in Dubai, and the morning of Sandance. My boyfriend, The Gentleman, had been to brunch at this establishment before for a going-away party and decided that no #ballerweekend would be complete without brunch at Traiteurs. (Pronounced - we think - as "traders.") Traiteurs is located in the Park Hyatt Dubai and has a pretty renowned French brunch. Brunch is held only on Fridays from 12:30-4pm (and you WILL be there the entire time), and it's something like $125 per person. This might sound slightly steep for brunch. It is. But just wait.

The Park Hyatt is totally breathtaking. It's an oasis of lush gardens and a blend of typical Arabic architecture with a Mediterranean bent. Greenery in the UAE is a measure of wealth and opulence - in the middle of the desert and backed up against the super-salty Persian Gulf, it's not the ideal location for plants. I'm always curious about the monthly water bill these places must rack up from the upkeep of the landscaping alone.

Located on the Dubai creek, and you can see part of the skyline in the background.

It's cool - you can park your yacht here.

I'm sure this is Arabic for "you will be stuffed to the gills with magnificent food items."

We made the reservation something like two or three weeks in advance, partially because there were ten of us, and partially because Traiteur gets booked up for brunch quickly. There are different packages you can buy - we opted for the Veuve Clicquot package which includes the four hours of buffet-style brunch and unlimited bubbly. We ended up ordering some other drinks too - Irish coffees and Bloody Marys - which can be added on. But the champagne is unlimited, bitches, and we made sure to take advantage of that.

Special Veuve Clicquot glasses. Classy.

Ahh, that's better.

 Forget everything you think about buffets. First of all, there were different rooms full of food (ROOMS) and a hallway with a giant cheese table. Everything was ridiculously fresh, beautiful, and enticing. I had no idea how anyone could spend four hours at brunch. I know better, now. 

The buffet is divided into different rooms, and some of the food is cooked to order. The rooms are themed, with a seafood room, carving stations, an entire roast pig on a spit out on the patio, a dessert room, and that massive marble cheese table. 

Let's dive into the courses, shall we?

To start - smoked salmon, oysters, some sort of cream fraish parfait with green stuff and a fluffy little biscuit, and foie gras creme brulee. 

A salad course with various French cheeses, peppered tuna ceviche, and mini sushi rolls.

Soup course - it was about 100 degrees outside, so I opted for the cold ones - a gazpacho-like tomato based soup and a basil-veggie-pureed something. Delicious and refreshing.

More French cheese (I freaking LOVE stinky blue cheese), foie gras, a foie gras benedict (I also freaking LOVE foie gras), and a quail's egg atop a ham hash.

Foie gras liverwurst parfait, oysters, shrimp with eyes, salmon sashimi, and bacon-wrapped dates.

Cheese, cheese, and more cheese. And quince paste, apricots, and salami. Soooooo happy.

Of course there was lobster.

You look delicious.

 And the dessert room. Ohhhh the dessert room. Chocolate fountains, ice cream sundae stations, and tiered platters of colorful treats. It was like Willy Wonka's factory. (Obviously, I'd be Veruca Salt.)

I don't even know what all of these are, but they were amazing. AMAAAAAAZING.

 We sat and ate for four hours straight. Plate after plate, resting in between to sip champagne with friends in this beautiful dining room in a beautiful hotel on the water. It was pure, unadulterated luxury. Also, I probably don't need to tell you that this was the only meal we ate that day. After four hours of stuffing ourselves silly, we went back to the hotel to get ready for the main event - Sandance (post coming soon). 

While pricey and ridiculously opulent, a Dubai brunch is definitely one of those once-in-a-lifetime things. Come hungry, and don't plan to eat for the rest of the way. Or the weekend.

A Weekend in Dubai

"Baller weekend," we called it. Actually, more specifically, it was "HASHTAG BALLER WEEKEND." Because "hashtag" is funny when said aloud. Try it. I KNOW, RIGHT?

On my last visit to the UAE, a bunch of us got tickets to Sandance (more on that later), and managed to get a great deal on a hotel and so decided to spend the weekend. The Gentleman and I drove up on Thursday evening (the weekends are Friday-Saturday), which was my first experience driving in the UAE and also my first experience with Thursday-evening Dubai traffic. It is NOT to be messed with. 

I had it in my head that there was this specific corner of the Gold Souk in Dubai that sold legit pashminas for about half the price you'd pay in the US. And I wanted several to give as gifts to some of the fabulous women in my life. 

So there I was, driving The Gentleman's Jeep in rush hour Dubai traffic. It took us about twice as long to go half as far as we anticipated, and, long story short, we were already running late to check into the hotel and meet our friends for dinner when we finally arrived at the Gold Souk. Which is on the completely wrong side of the city from our hotel. 

Observe:

Nope. Not close at all. In traffic? That's an hour drive, right there.

Side note - Google maps does a nice job of capturing the little blurbs of sand that were supposed to be "The World" islands but are now mostly...little blurbs of sand.

Anyway, so we finally get to the Gold Souk, and we're running late, and I'm like "But I just need to run in and get ONE THING." Which is completely underscoring the fact that the Gold Souk is not exactly a place you can "run into" to "get one thing." In fact, we circled for another 30 minutes trying to find a parking spot. But, apparently, one of the things you do in Dubai on a Thursday night is go to the Gold Souk. APPARENTLY.

The Gentleman finally convinced me that we were morbidly late, and so just as I was about to give up on the parking lot, I threw a massive Hail Mary and turned the Jeep into one of the tiny side streets that heads into the heart of the Souk area.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING."

"I JUST NEED TO SEE IF THERE'S ANY PARKING BACK HERE, OK."

"THERE AREN'T EVEN ROADS BACK HERE."

"I REALLY NEED THOSE PASHMINAS."

Lo and behold, I found a parking space. I had to park halfway up on the curb, and I may have run over a chicken in the process, but I FOUND A PARKING SPACE.

We ran through the Souk, with The Gentleman dropping pins on his iPhone Google map so that we wouldn't get lost in the winding maze of what apparently was also the Spice Souk, the School Supply Souk, and the Candy And Assorted Small Electronics Souk, and then I saw them: pashminas. Glorious, beautiful, 100% pashminas for half the price. I bargained for half a second, handed over a wad of dirhams (which look like Monopoly money anyway, and so shouldn't be counted as real money), and I had my armful of pashminas. We followed the Souk trail (well, I followed my instincts; The Gentleman followed his iPhone which was uncannily aligned with my inner navigation system) back to the ill-parked Jeep, headed back out into traffic, and checked into the hotel about an hour later.

Not too bad, considering.

Since we were all arriving from various places, we agreed to meet at the Benihana in the hotel for dinner/drinks/general regrouping to discuss the weekend plans. It was also here that I had the first truly decent sushi in the UAE:

Martini and festively-attired palm trees.

I want this box.

Following dinner, and now altogether, we proceeded to drive all over Dubai going to various bars that I couldn't even begin to describe or tell you about because they were:
a) obscure
b) unmarked
c) questionable in nature
d) all of the above

Answer: d. Suffice it to say, we found Coronas, DJ's, belly dancers, and what I am convinced was some sort of underground gay bar. 

But here's your first tip: take taxis everywhere. They are so ridiculously cheap, clean, well-maintained, and staffed with polite drivers who wear ties. 

See this? This is the cost of one of our many jaunts around the city. But that price is in dirhams. In USD, this cab ride is exactly two dollars and four cents. This is for a fifteen minute cab ride. I KNOW, RIGHT.

After all of our running around town, it was collectively decided that what we desperately needed was food. Now, this is Dubai, and while there are PLENTY of fast-food options, we were with seasoned Dubai partiers and they took us to the "24 hour quality mankousheh place," also billed as "the hip Lebanese baked wrap concept" according to their website. Behold Zaatar w Zeit:

Would you like some pizza with your baked Lebanese wrap concept? Yes, yes we would.

Someone got a salad. For health.

After our (very) late night snack, we headed back to the hotel for a good night's sleep. (I think we all tucked in around 5am and were up by 10am. Totally healthy.)

A lot of Dubai is (still) under construction as new resorts and hotels are cropping up wherever there's a spare acre or two. Upon looking out the window at our view the next morning, we discovered a gorgeous panorama of the Persian Gulf to the left....

...and another resort, still in its nascent stages, to the right.

and, apparently, many more resorts along down the beach.

What remains of #(hashtag)ballerweekend is Epic Brunch and Sandance, but I do want to share a few photos I snapped during the Most Expensive Bathroom Break Ever, wherein we followed one of our friends, who snagged a room at The Atlantis, inside this amazing resort for a quick bathroom break and ended up grabbing a round of drinks that probably set us back about $20 per person. (For one drink apiece.)

Inside, you'll find ornate marbling, giant clam shell water falls, and a multi-story aquarium. And that's just in the lobby and main downstairs.

These drinks were called "Secret Gardens" and were some sort of mojito concoction. With a garden therein. 

Stay tuned for: Epic Brunch, Sandance, and Ski Dubai.