The Things You Never Considered...And Some You Probably Did

At midnight on New Years 2014, The Gentleman told me that I make him very happy, and then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I said a lot of things then, like "Are you seriously doing this right now?" and "Is this happening?" and "Oh my God" and "Is this for real?" and then at some point I think I said yes, because we were hugging and there was this ridiculously awesome ring on my finger and everyone was clapping and - strangely - Iconapop's "I Love It" was playing and we got engaged. There's a video on Facebook. It's mostly of me looking shocked and The Gentleman looking handsome as always.


And then there was champagne. And tequila, but mostly champagne. I think I went to bed somewhere around 4am after making a lot of really expensive, really long-distance phone calls from the Middle East to friends and family in the States. The Gentleman fell asleep on the couch somewhere around 3am when I started Snapchatting pictures of my ring.


It was absolutely perfect. The Gentleman chose an evening where I had on a nice dress and had gotten my hair done and when I was (actually) completely not expecting it.


So now, I am packing up my life and about to end 7 years in Baltimore to move to the Middle East to be with my husband-to-be after a year and a half of long-distance. I have 25 days left in this country before expatriating and a lot of shit to do. Including wrapping up the job where I've been for the last three and a half years, filling out endless forms for visa paperwork, and interviewing for new jobs overseas. And we're engaged! And we're moving into a new flat!


When it rains...


SOME THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER CONSIDERED ABOUT MOVING OVERSEAS:


1. If you are taking your cats with you (which I, OF COURSE, am) this is going to be an incredibly expensive and traumatic endeavor for all parties involved. The cats will hate you because they will have to get a million shots and international microchips and have to make multiple trips to the vet. You will hate the vet because they failed to sign all of the requisite paperwork in WET, BLUE INK. (That's literally what it says - WET, BLUE INK) and you will have to make subsequent trips to get the paperwork signed appropriately. Also, the carriers that you will have to buy to transport said animals will be $50 apiece and the cats will shun them.


2. You are a ridiculous hoarder. I don't care how non-hoardy you think you are: move internationally and weep at what a disgusting person you are. WHY DID YOU KEEP _____________ (insert ridiculous memento here)?! You will throw away bags upon bags upon bags of earthly possessions that you now look at with new eyes and define as "trash." The sheer amount of stuff that you own will begin to haunt your sleep and often leave you lying wide awake at 3 in the morning, full of self-hatred and anxiety. You will need a friend to come over, drink wine with you, and exhibit tough love to force you to throw things out. Unless your friend is Bookclubjess in which case she will waiver and say unhelpful things like, "But what if you have to go to a costume party? Won't you need that dress?"


3. If you get engaged and then promptly move overseas less than a month later, you will have approximately 4 hours to enjoy your engagement bliss. I am hoping that I can pick up where I left off at 4am on January 1, 2014 once I am actually on the plane heading to my new home in the Middle East. I did rally enough to create a Pinterest board, which I'm told is the first step in wedding planning. Cross that one off the list.


4. Your passport photo is going to be seen by a bajillion people a bajillion times. Don't like the photo? Get over that shit right now. It's going to be front and center in your life for awhile.


5. Not many people know what Abu Dhabi is. It's the capital city in the country of the United Arab Emirates. Dubai is another major city in that country. It is a beautiful, welcoming country with electricity and high speed internet and running water that you can drink RIGHT FROM THE TAP and no, you will not have to wear traditional Muslim attire if you are not, in fact, a Muslim. They do not allow camels on major thoroughfares and - as a matter of fact - I've been there three times in the last year and I have yet to see a camel anywhere. I have, however, seen gold-vending ATMs and the world's largest Persian rug.


In all seriousness, despite the fact that I cry into my wine glass over what a hoarder I am and hope that someday the cats will forgive me for what I'm about to put them through, I can't help but feel like I somehow won the lottery here. I get to marry The Gentleman and move to a foreign country and have adventures. And hopefully write a book in the process. Probably about cats and hoarding.

Holidaze!

HAPPY HOLIDAZE!

Over the next two weeks, I will be traveling a grand total of 21,484 miles. For scale, the circumference of the globe is 24,901 miles. I'm missing it by 3,417 miles. Damn.

The magic formula of this mileage looks a little something like this:

Baltimore > New Jersey > Dulles > Doha, Qatar (layover) > Abu Dhabi (layover) > Amsterdam (layover) > Prague (for 2 days) > Amsterdam (layover) > Abu Dhabi (5 days) > Doha, Qatar (layover) > Dulles > Baltimore

= #YOLO?

= #guaranteedflu?

= #whiskeytangofoxtrot

This holiday season, I decided to do...everything! Spend Christmas day with the entire extended family, fly to Europe (via Abu Dhabi because, believe it or not, is was almost $2,000 CHEAPER to do so) for two days to be with The Gentleman's family who are overseas visiting Prague, and then to Abu Dhabi to spend New Years and also begin moving into our new flat which is available January 1. Huzzah! Exhaustion! Emergen-C! 

In between all of this, I am wrapping up my final paper for a year and a half long certification I've been doing through University of Baltimore, and gearing up for the last 3 weeks at my job when I get back in January. And packing up my existence and moving to another country by February 8. 

You know, no big deal.

One of the things I am most looking forward to in my expatriation is the opportunity to unpack my suitcase and LEAVE it unpacked for more than a couple of months. To just breathe for a few months and not gear up stress about time off of work, customs, time changes, currency exchanges, the potential of lost luggage, and standing in line for security. 

Do you have any idea how much of my life has been spent standing in line for airport security?

A lot.

I plan to sleep through most of February upon my arrival.

I am certain that this will not be the end of crazy travel at the holidays, especially in the future when we will not only be crossing the Atlantic multiple times a year but trying to see family and friends on both coasts of the US, but it will (happily) be the end of this chaotic long distance relationship. I'll gladly take the trade-offs. 

And it really is amazing to think that, within the span of a week, you can spend Christmas day with all of your extended family, then hop on a plane(s) and be in the Christmas markets of Prague with your partner and your partner's family, and then hop on a plane(s) again and be in the Middle East in the lovely 75 degree weather. Can't complain about any of that.

Thus, I embark on my two weeks of insanity starting today with a drive up to New Jersey to be with the whole family for Christmas day. Which I'm quite excited about. 

I just need take a metric shit ton of vitamins and Emergen-C. And possibly wear a SARs mask.


TECHNICAL SIDE NOTE FOR MY FELLOW BLOGGERS:
After The Big Move, I have grand plans for a blog redesign and re-launch. I'm thinking about moving to Wordpress or Squarespace. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Expat-To-Be

Please note: this attire is only required for mosque visits.
This is not everyday normal attire, which is more like designer jeans and stilletos yoga pants and flip flops.

مغامرة adventure

So, I'm moving to the Middle East. In February.

During a year and a half of long distance, The Gentleman and I have been plotting and planning and scheming and this is finally coming into fruition. I shall be uprooting my life here in Baltimore and moving, cats and all, to Abu Dhabi.

I'm pretty psyched.

This has meant a lot of planning and preparation, with much more to go, and a lot of soul searching. Truth be told, I have always wanted to live in another country. I didn't exactly picture the United Arab Emirates as that country, but hey- a foreign country is a foreign country, and it has gold ATMs and 75 degree weather in January to boot. Could be worse.

The underpinnings of this move are rooted in love, however, and not wanderlust. After three years together (a year and a half of them in an EXTREMELY LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP), The Gentleman and I have ascertained that we cannot live without the other any longer, and that we should be physically together as soon as possible so that we can commence with antics such as the time he told me that Paranormal Activity was a documentary and I cried for two days. That happened.

Love is so awesome.

(On a related note - my dad used to get a kick out of my firm belief that the Blair Witch Project was real. IT HAD A WEBSITE which, in 1998 or whatever, was a BIG DEAL and the stamp of authenticity. He was also convinced that Jodi Foster is a lesbian. I didn't fight him too much on that one.)

The truth is, over the last year and a half while The Gentleman sussed out life the Middle East, we have both been living a sort of half life. Every single day has an element of "having to be gotten through" as a day closer to when we could be together. This element of not living in the moment takes a toll, and a hefty one. The high highs of vacations together and the low lows of the long stretches (4 months at the max) of being apart seem so surreal now that we are down to less than 90 days before beginning the next step of our lives together. Thinking back, I see how I crammed a thousand hours of activities into every single day with the express purpose of making time pass as fast as possible. Talk about burn out.

Not that it was terrible. Over the past year and a half, I met and re-met some amazing friends, went on some pretty epic vacations, and picked up some new hobbies like quilt-making and air yoga and spinning. That was all pretty fun.

Charm City has been very good to me over the past seven years, and I will be sad to leave it. But also excited for life in a different country for a couple of years and learning/embracing the expat lifestyle. And, you know, being with The Gentleman. That will be ok too, I guess.

Watch this space for upcoming adventures as I navigate things like:
1. Navigating the expat paperwork situation
2. Moving 2 cats overseas (one who is small and extremely troubled to begin with)
3. Do they have blonde bobby pins in the Middle East?
4. Saying goodbye for now to so many family and friends that my heart is going to explode and burst out of my eyes. In the form of tears. Which I'll say are allergies.

Onward! 

TOMORROW!!

Hooray! 114 days down, one to go! The Gentleman will be here tomorrow. The joy of a long-distance relationship - the awesome airport reunion, which is the antithesis of the horrible airport goodbye.

I think this calls for Barry Manilow.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc4TnopiuzQ

ONLINE COUNTDOWN

Ski Dubai and some General Observations

Greetings, Glitterati! I'm going to be wrapping up my Abu Dhabi posts just in time for my next bout of travel which begins towards the end of this month. The Gentleman and I are headed out west for a wedding in California, and I'm making a stop on the way to visit Lee and Hot Curry (WHO NEVER UPDATE THEIR DAMN BLOG) in Salt Lake where I am excited to go hiking, drink delicious microbrews, see Mormons in their natural habitat, and hopefully stalk dooce. In a totally non-stalkery, breezy, Imagine seeing you here! sort of way where I die inside and try to hold it together and not be all OMG IT'S HEATHER ARMSTRONG!. Because that would be weird.

Anyhoodle, on my last trip out to Abu Dhabi, we totally went to Ski Dubai. We had to. How can you not? It's a ski resort in the middle of a mall. We saw it on our first trip out there and vowed to return.

A friend who had been before prepped us as to what to bring/wear and that was incredibly helpful. They give you full-body jump suits and warm socks, which is included in the lift ticket, but we brought hats and gloves with us. You can buy them there at the sport's shop but they aren't cheap. 

We went in the middle of the day on a Monday and it wasn't crowded at all, but I'm told that it can be packed on weekends with long lines. We paid for two hours of skiing and, believe me, that was plenty. This is not a ski resort - this is one run (two if you count the bunny hill, which is really just the lower half of the larger run), and it's about a 5 minute ride to the top in the ski lift (yes, there's a lift). With no lines to contend with, we probably got at least a dozen or so runs in with time for a coffee and snack break at the Apres Ski located halfway down the run. You can also do a full day pass, but unless it's really crowded I can't imagine wanting to be there for a full day of skiing.

SKI DUBAI INTENSE

Lift tickets and free socks!

My totally awesome skiing suit.

One thing I wasn't expecting was that it was cold. Underneath that jump suit, I'm wearing shorts and a T-shirt because it's approximately 98 thousand degrees outside (it's THE MIDDLE EAST), but once inside the conditioned ski area, it's freezing. I had gloves and a hat on, as well as multiple pairs of socks, and I got so cold that we had to take a break in the Apres Ski cafe for some espresso to warm up for a bit. Don't be fooled by the fact that it's a man-made ski slope in the middle of the mall - it's cold as hell.

The slope itself is also a decent run. It takes just a minute or so to get to the bottom, and there are several different paths you can take depending on your skill level, but it's actually not a bad incline. After about a dozen or so runs, however, we got bored of the same old scenery (tall walls painted industrial blue and fake trees and wooden lodges).

They also have a Snow Park with penguins, toboggans, bobsled, snowball throwing area, and an igloo. I get it: it's the desert, this is exoticism at its highest. But having grown up in the Mid-Atlantic North East, I can't imagine purchasing a day pass to go and play in snow. 

It was definitely a lot of fun. I hadn't been on skis in years, so it was good practice to gear up for hopefully some ski trips in the future. It was also pretty opulent to be inside a snow globe of man-made snow in the middle of the desert. Sort of the ultimate in opulence, really.

Which brings me to the last of my observations from this May 2013 trip. I've been to Abu Dhabi twice now and am headed back over for New Years in December. And there are a couple'a things that seem to remain consistent. 

1. Park anywhere you like.

I thought Rome, Italy, and Amman, Jordan, were the most ridiculous in terms of trying to drive. And then came Abu Dhabi. Everyone has giant, obnoxious cars, and everyone drives them in giant, obnoxious ways. Rules? Regulations? Pssshh. Do whatever you have to do, park wherever, double park, park on the curb, it's ok! THERE ARE NO RULES HERE IT'S CHAOS. Until you get in an accident. Then, there are lots and lots of rules and you're screwed.

2. Seriously.

PDA is a no-no. Hand holding, kissing in public, NO. NOT ALLOWED. We've tried to be extremely careful, but hey- we're in a long-distance relationship, and sometimes there's a hand-brushing incident or an arm around the shoulder or a quick, sneaky kiss. We take our chances when we do these things though, because as a non-married couple in a Muslim country, it's not only rude and inconsiderate, but it's illegal. As in - you will most likely be fined, but you could possibly serve jail time, or even be deported. So be careful. Just don't mess around. Think about it like this: don't do anything that you wouldn't do in church under the watchful gaze of the Pope. Be considerate. Be polite. These are not just religious considerations, but cultural. People in the US don't like public make-out sessions in nice restaurants - this is similar. Be considerate.

3. The architecture is incredible.

 The UAE is a relatively young country - it became independent from Britain in 1971 - and since then, the oil boom has been quite lucrative. Buildings here are "dressed to impress,"with attention to detail and clamoring for attention. Unfortunately, it seems like infrastructure hasn't always kept up with the incredible rate of growth and there are still some kinks to be worked out (like traffic patterns and fire escape routes). But, I never get tired of staring out at the buildings in Abu Dhabi and Dubai. 

The Corniche

Gulf of Arabia (NOT the "Persian Gulf," as I've been told)

4. It's full of surprises.

This was an ad in the Ladies' Toilets in the Mall of the Emirates in Dubai. There is so much going on here. It's amazing. The Gentleman didn't believe me when I first told him about it, so I had to go back into the Ladies' and take a picture.

Or, you know, a stretch Hummer just parked randomly on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. That, too.

The Longest. Like, Ever.

The Gentleman and I are in the midst of the longest we have ever been apart.

This fun marathon of long-distance comes courtesy the fact that we got really, really spoiled last spring/early summer, where - despite the fact that we live 7,500 miles apart - we got to see each other in March, April, May, AND June. It was a LOT of Transatlantic flights. And time changes. And foreign currency.

Currently, we are on Day 79 of an epic 115 days apart. Reunion commences next month at Dulles Airport, and from thence we shall do some fun things in Baltimore and then head to the West Coast.

There are a million moments when you think, "Wow, long distance really, really sucks." It happens when you're stuck in traffic, when you're surrounded by couples, when you're eating a really, really amazing steak and think, "He would so love a bite of this thing." It happens with the good - because you don't get to share it; and it happens with the bad - because you're dealing with shit alone.

The only time long distance doesn't totally and completely suck is the moment you're reunited. And then it's weird for about thirty minutes, like - oh, this person is holding my hand...oh, this person is - WAIT, OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU!! And then it's normal again and you're like, "What 115 days apart? That was nothing!"

I basically can't wait to get to that point.

ff
COUNTDOWN CLOCK WIDGETS

Dulles is going to be so embarrassed. 

It Never Gets Easier

You do get used to the 8 hour time difference, to flight delays, to lost luggage, to foreign currency clinking around in all of your bags, to attending events solo, and to texting "wish you were here" a thousand times but thinking it a million more. You may not like it, but you grow accustomed to it, and you know what to expect, and how to deal with it.

But the goodbye, no matter where it takes place - on a curb-side drop off under the DEPARTURES sign, or a ticket counter, or on your front stoop with an airport shuttle waiting - that never gets any easier. In fact, it might even be the one thing that gets harder.

We've been long-distance for almost a year (two weeks shy, in fact) and have had to do this good-bye 7 times. And it's the worst. Sometimes I almost think a hasty tuck-and-roll out of the car would be better, or a high-five, or a "good game" butt slap. I don't know. 

You get used to a lot of things, and accept a lot of things as "normal" when you're in an Extreme Long Distance relationship, but the good-bye is not one of those things. 

I'd rather stick with hello.

"Are you guys even long-distance anymore?"

So says Hot Curry, during our Skype session with her husband Lee (who sent me THE BEST birthday gift, beeteedubs - more on that later). It was in reference to the fact that The Gentleman is currently in town this week, and we are burning through more of our precious PTO to take a couple of days and head 'downy ohhh-shun' like good little Baltimoreans. Pick crabs, drink beer, ride waves and carnival rides of questionable stability and just generally hoot 'n holler and be down home for a long weekend. This is a change from our usual hooting and hollering and classless behavior that usually takes place in much more exotic locations. This time we'll probably even blend in.

But, yes, the last I checked, the United Arab Emirates hadn't crept any closer on the map to Baltimore City, so we are indeed still in an Extreme Long Distance Relationship, albeit one where we've gotten lucky enough to see one another every month for the past four months. Through internet finds on cheap flights and the help of a friend who works in the airline industry, we are racking up trans-Atlantic miles on the cheap and getting to spend good, quality time together.

After this trip, unfortunately, we will probably go back to that good old fashioned "seeing each other every 3-4 months" routine, which sucks, but is much cheaper and allows us both time to rack up more PTO from work. Le sigh.

But, for now, I'm packing sunscreen and plenty of books to go lie in the sun with all the other lobsterish tourists, The Gentleman by my side. We are lucky, lucky, lucky and I'm trying to enjoy every moment before he has to fly back to the Land of Sand (which, by the by, is NOT where you want to be June-July-August - average temps of 100 and up with like 500% humidity which makes Maryland feel so pleasantly mild). 

Packing Up Again

These are the little guys I got us when my boyfriend moved overseas. We always bring them with us when traveling.  There will be a whole post of their adventures at some point. This is them posing in The Gentleman's living room window. He has a terrible view. 

What a crazy year.

I have to segue from my posts about Mexico to say that I'm currently in the middle of my about-to-travel routine. I'm headed back out to the Middle East on Thursday, which means that for the fifth time in less than a year I'm leaving the country. At this point, I don't even put my suitcase away anymore - it now has a home on the floor of my room. My passport remains in my carry-on, along with eye drops, ear plugs, and an eye mask. I'm thinking ahead eight time zones and remembering to call my credit cards to tell them I'll be overseas and making sure that my cats are taken care of. (My roommate is awesome and not only feeds and waters the cats while I'm gone, she loves on them with brushings, treats, and trips to sit outside on the balcony. I think they are starting to like her better than me.)

I was talking to one of my besties, Stupid, this morning, and she mentioned that while, at first, The Gentleman's announcement that he was being sent overseas for work was a pretty difficult pill to swallow, it's turned into a year of incredible travel opportunity. And she's right. While I would much rather have The Gentleman by  my side (because he's handsome and funny and cooks really good pad thai), our joint love of travel and adventure has propelled us into some pretty awesome experiences. Our separation is temporary, and while being in an Xtreme Long Distance Relationship has been the hardest thing I have ever. Done. Hands. Down, it's also been the best. 

Travel is one of my most favorite things, and I have had opportunities to do things that I probably never would have had if it weren't for our circumstances. What we are doing is incredibly difficult and a lot of hard work, but we are young and we both have decent amounts of PTO from our jobs and the means to travel, and so he gave me the best parting gift he possibly could by saying "Where do you want to go next?"

I am extraordinarily lucky to have had these experiences, and luckier still to have them with my most favorite person. And so, yes, I prepare for another 15-hour flight and Xtreme Jet Lag (I am SO BAD at jet lag...I mean, no one is particularly GOOD at it, but I am REALLY REALLY TERRIBLE no matter how often I experience it), but I'm also preparing for more adventures with someone I love a whole lot. 

I'm hoping to post the remainder of my Mexico photos before I leave, but seeing as how I am up to my eyeballs in laundry and still have two full work days before my 10pm flight, it may just have to wait until I get back. And there will be more adventures to tell then, too.

Onward!

SPRING BREAK

Fist pump! White-girl holler! We're going on Spring Break, bitcheessss!

The Gentleman is in town, and we have already had sushi, Indian, and our favorite martinis. Tomorrow, we leave for the Land of Enchantment, New Mexico. I have never been to New Mexico, and pretty much everything I know about it comes from watching Breaking Bad and reading Tiger Eyes. I imagine lots of canyons, nuclear warfare, turquoise jewelry, and meth. The Gentleman assures me that it also has excellent (and spicy!) food, beautiful scenery, lots of Native American culture, and that the meth and nuclear activity is not usually something viewed by tourists. I believe him because he grew up in Albuquerque and might know what he is talking about.

We are spending a few days with his family and then heading to Cancun for the remainder of the week. I have much book reading and podcast listening to catch up on, and after this nasty and bitterly cold winter, I can think of nothing better than parking myself on the beach for a week. I'm hoping we'll get in some good snorkeling too. Despite the fact that I have a very real and overwhelming fear of open water, I do love snorkeling. I just can't think too much about it. 

And, mostly, I am happy to spend time with my lovely boyfriend who would probably take a shark bite for me and refills my drinks without me even having to ask (sometimes). 

When I return, there shall be photos and stories to share. And probably some radiating sunburn.

The United Arab Emirates, Part I

I got back from the UAE 10 days ago. Epic fail on the blogging.

But, lemme tell you, it's taken me this long to recover.

First off, because I had to go back to work and do all those real-world things that up and smack you in the face post-vacation. HERE IS YOUR REAL LIFE, PAY ATTENTION TO ME NOW!

How rude.

It's also taken me a bit to process things, because the UAE is a country unlike anywhere I've ever traveled. I had thought that our trip to Jordan last year might have prepped me, it being the in Middle East as well and all, but the fact of the matter is that Jordan and the UAE are as different as...well...a quaint historic New England village and Vegas.

That's an entirely accurate metaphor, by the way. Except that in this Vegas, alcohol is illegal, as is showing your cleavage. Imagine that.

After 30 hours of traveling (DC to Boston to Heathrow to Abu Dhabi), I arrived and within the hour my long-distance boyfriend and I found ourselves in the most romantic situation I could imagine after 30 hours of travel: on the couch watching Parks and Rec with duty-free wine and delivery sushi. Because when you travel (more than) halfway around the world to see your significant other, who happens to live 7,000 miles away, it's crucially important to maintain routines.

I have never in my life been as jet lagged as I was during this trip. I've traveled in and out of all different kinds of time zones, but this one was a whammy because it's an awkward 8-hour time difference coupled with the fact that Daylight Savings Time occurred back in the States while I was overseas. My body desperately wanted to go to bed at 4am and sleep until noon. Apparently, when you travel through 8-9 time zones, your body retros back to your college years.

So I spent most of the first five days of my ten day trip being alternatively hopped up on caffeine or completely out of it. It does help that it hasn't rained in the UAE in two years (TWO FREAKING YEARS) and so it was nice and bright and sunny. It didn't help that one of us was completely weirdly jetlagged and the other was not.

Yet another thing they don't tell you about extreme long-distance relationships: when you do finally have time to spend together, one of the two of you will be jet-lagged to all hell.

Long story short, I've got some pretty awesome pictures and stories to share with you. But it's also the day before Thanksgiving, so excuse me while I go and stuff my face and drink lovely things with family and friends for a couple'a days. Then, I PROMISE, I'll be back with you to share more.

Also - blog is undergoing construction again. Only this time, it's gonna be awesome. Totally.



Happy Hour snack at Jumeirah Towers - cabernet and a mezze platter by the Gulf.