SLAPPIN DA BASS

I'm no relationship expert. But it seems to me that if you harbor blatant distaste for the person you are dating, perhaps there is something fundamentally amiss. Furthermore, if you harbor blatant distaste for the person you are dating, AND are quite communicative with your friends about it, you open yourself up to critique of your significant other by these friends. And by friends, I mean close, trusting advocates for your happiness. Or, you know, perfect strangers and passersby that you engage in conversations about how much you hate your sig-o.

If you are in the process of sorting through this distaste, it's not wise to give your friends details that might be used against their soon-to-be-ex in a court of social interaction. Such as: revealing that this person might have an interesting hobby. Say, playing in a steel drum band on the side.

Your friends cannot be held accountable for the frequent and not-so-subtle commentary that might follow this confession. Especially if they are well aware that your relationship is not long for this world.

"Does he insert the term 'irie' into normal conversation?"

"Does he have a knitted cap with the fake dreads sewn into it?"

"Does he argue intensely that 'dub' is a sub-genre of reggae?"

"Does he refuse to drink anything but Blue Mountain coffee?"

"Cool Runnings, mon."

"Does he talk about SLAPPIN DA BASS?"

"SLAPPIN' DE BASS!"

"SLAPPAH DAH BASS!"

Honestly, we really only want for your happiness. We're not just being asses for the sake of being asses, here.

The Pens

Fiction blurb from The Creepy Notebook.

(Photos within photo by Snap.)

She knew that things were ending long before they actually did, and so began a habit of taking stock.

She counted the pens in the basket on his kitchen counter that collected batteries, keys to locks long-forgotten, bottle openers, and rubber bands. There were four pens in the basket.

Later, after he told her that she deserved to be with someone who wanted to marry her, she would remember that there had been four pens in the basket. She would always have this little link to his life- knowing that four pens resided in the basket on the countertop in his kitchen.

She panicked at the thought that he might, one day, remove one of the pens or add another. This would mean that she would no longer be a part of his life, because she would have no way of knowing how many pens were currently in the basket, and she would have no way of finding out.