Well Hello There, 2011!

"2010 was a...'Rebuilding Year'," Jaunt said to me last night. It came out with a mix of affection and exhaustion with a slight pause to emphasize that, for all of us it seems, 2010 was a bit of a tornado that picked us up and dropped us off in some entirely different location then where we started the year. Some of us a little more scathed then others, but mostly in one piece.

To call it a "Rebuilding Year" is entirely accurate and, because it's Jaunt, it's also a quite intelligible and poetic way of referring to said tornado. I've felt more change in the air- with friends, family, and the world at large. Change is riddled with difficulty, excitement, and a certain degree of learning when to dig your heels in and when to simply let go and allow the winds to whip you as they will.

In 2010, I went to New Orleans and helped rebuild a little corner of it. I started running and completed 4 5ks and the marathon relay. I started a new job with a nonprofit whose work makes me proud and is fulfilling to me in a way I didn't know a career could be. I got simultaneously angry at the state of affairs in this city that's become my home and elated that there is change happening on so many levels to address things. I went back to one of my favorite past times- kayaking, and explored waterways in Annapolis, the Eastern Shore, and Gun Powder. I reconnected with some old friends, made some new ones, and had more fun with my big band of merry girlfriends then really should be legal.

And I watched change in my friends too. I watched broken hearts and new beginnings, big moves, engagements, break-ups, marriages, pregnancies, new jobs, sicknesses and healths. I've started paying more attention to these things, realizing that our problems are shifting as we are all getting older. The things that are most important to you begin to change over time, and the things that bothered us in the past begin to fall away a little easier with these shifts in priorities.

And 2011? Well, if 2010 was the "Rebuilding Year," then perhaps 2011 is the year to experiment with our new selves. Test the steadiness of the foundation, feel the strength of new roots. Shift the focus away from the skeletons we've been building and start to flesh out the aesthetics a little more. Begin to move around and enjoy the fruits of our labors. Face new issues, build stronger safety measures, and perhaps use some of our newfound architecture as a launch pad.

I don't really have any grandiose resolutions- aside from the fact that I intend to train for and run the half-marathon in October- but I do promise to go a little easier on myself. After so many years of breaking and bending and testing, I want to live 2011 a little more comfortably in my own skin. Don't we all?

Cheers, 2011.

Recalibrating Perspectives

(Given my penchant towards birds in the aesthetic/allegorical senses, I felt it was a good omen that this creature found our office inviting and decided to stay.)

From Idealist.org: Some of the nicest, most caring, and selfless people you will ever meet work for nonprofit organizations. Many of these organizations also hire very bright and well-educated individuals who contribute to an intelligent and stimulating work environment.

I don't know why, for so long, I equated a 9-5 with corporate drudgery. It's not as though that was ever instilled in me. To the contrary: my family is filled with entrepreneurs, self-starters, teachers, adventurers, artists.

The end of week 2 has brought me to this point of exhaustion, a little mental burn-out, but a general feeling of satisfied relief. As I settle into this new life, this new career, these new ideas and philosophies I wonder how it is I existed before.

Everyone I've met in this field thus far has an incredibly interesting world view. They are intellectuals, artists, and interested in the aesthetics of life. I don't know why it took me so long to find "my people," or where these people were before. Maybe I wasn't ready to step up; maybe I wasn't ready to take a seat at the table.

Regardless, I find a sense of happiness that kept eluding me all these years. I wake up the morning grateful for the day, and I drive home in the evenings with a sense of accomplishment.

Make no mistake: I'm not wholly disillusioned and wrapped up in the honeymoon phase. I am aware that I'm walking that fine line of a new relationship: where everything seems great and amazing, but both parties have been burned before and are just waiting for the red flag to fly. The freak flag, which we all have. This job wants to like me just as much as I want to like it, but we've both had our share of ill-fits and crossed connections. We're settling into this slowly, both afraid to admit how well this is working out. So far. Always with that added validation. So far lets us off the hook if something goes south.

And, of course, it's transition and it's bumpy. Just because I wake up in the morning glad to be me, glad to have my life doesn't mean I spring out of bed like some cracked-out cartoon character. Of course I still hit snooze. Who doesn't? And just because I drive home feeling accomplished doesn't mean I don't grit my teeth at traffic. My shoes still feel uncomfortable by 5pm, I still have to deal with inane bureaucratic drudgery, and I still face that 9-5 "grind." Again- who in this arena doesn't?

But it's all different now, somehow. Maybe it's the "higher purpose," aspect. Maybe it's that I had to come to this part of my life when I was ready. Maybe my priorities are different. Maybe it's because success for me now is measured in the well-being of other humans, which feels better to me. Maybe it's only two weeks into this and I have yet to reach the burn-out that's so common in the non-profit world. Who knows? All I know is that I finally have a field that, so far, seems to fit.

So far. Maybe at some point I'll lose the fear of commitment and be able to make declarative statements without addendum. Working towards this point.

Boooooooooooring.

OH, LOOK!

Lindsay Lohan has violated her probation and been sent e nc e d t o. . . .............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Honestly. My complete and utter lack of surprise is manifest in the fact that; while I admit I rather like the whole red-eyed, tangled bleached-blonde locks, I-May-Or-May-Not-Be-Drunk-Right-Now look on Ms. Lohan; I actually physically yawned upon reading the headlines.

I read an article in some magazine (clearly it made an impression because I can't recall the name of said magazine, or when I might have read it) about what will ultimately make women happy in the next ten years (think closing the wage gap, better health coverage for specifically female issues, etc.) would be a definitive effort in lessening the focus of "news" on the lives of celebrities. It creates this hollow sense of impact. UP TO THE MINUTE COVERAGE........of what? Who cares?

I say this. I was as caught up in the Britney saga as anyone else (possibly, weirdly a little more so because I was going through an exceptionally boring point in my life) but, at the end of the day, I was left feeling as though I'd been eating Krispy Kremes all day. Full to the point of nausea on nothing but lard and chemicals. Nothing of value, nothing substantive, but sticking around me for far too long. I had to read a cold shower dosage of Zadie Smith to wash some intellect back into my system. Which is like going raw vegan after a McDonalds feast, but damn don't you feel better the day after?

When Lindsay Lohan goes postal and sets fire to the Hollywood sign, let me know. I'll totally YouTube that clip until my computer fries. But unless it's something completely and totally sensational, I just. Don't. Care. Violated her probation and stuck in jail for 90 days? Yawn.

In other, more substantive news: I like my new job. This rocks. Another 5k race to run this weekend. That will also rock. Today was my first day of not reporting for regularly-scheduled table waiting in two years of service and it felt weird and strange, but in a welcome sort of way.

In other news: I totally don't want a Kindle, but I have a feeling that this will evolve much the same way my feelings towards the iPod did. I didn't want one, thought it was stupid, and then I borrowed a friend's and coveted it madly. I see this happening.

Seriously- if LiLo sets fire to anything...call me. Immediately. Otherwise...eh.

Katrina @ 5

Interesting article today which I linked to through Philanthropy News Digest (thanks, Mom!!) A recent conference in New Orleans of nonprofits and foundations gathered to assess the progress of various projects and also to open discussions on the future of volunteerism geared specifically towards city restoration.

It was interesting to be a part of what I would consider to be a "movement" of good faith efforts to give back to the city of New Orleans. I've yet to find a statistical analysis on the numbers of volunteers that have traveled to the city post-Katrina but, through general assessment, I have come to a very scientific and mathematical conclusive number: a lot.

Putting all of these volunteers up has been one of the biggest challenges. (And, of course, it's also one of the reasons why not so many people are jetting off to Haiti to start helping pick through the rubble. There simply aren't funds to give volunteers safe, healthy accommodations.) In general, though, it seems that nonprofits are dedicated to continue procurement of funds for this very reason. As long as there is work to be done, and there certainly is, the belief is that someone, somewhere, wants to do it and that someone else, somewhere, wants to pay for it.

Keeping the realization of need alive is another monster to be fed. It helped that the Saints won the Superbowl. It really did. Keep New Orleans on the map, keep the discussion alive.

In my selfish quest for betterment of my own life, I can't help but feel that there might be a market here for me. Part of the presentation I'll be assisting with in a few weeks will be to explain the dire need for programs like the one I was lucky enough to attend, but that's only a drop in the bucket.

True, this blog has shifted from "Gossipy Quarter-Life Crisis Glitterati" to all Katrina/New Orleans/allthetime, and it's been a fantastic little soap box from which to preach about our experiences. What the future is has yet to be revealed.

Wonder, ask and imagine. Be curious, inquisitive and interested.

The best possibilities won't usually shout out to announce themselves. Yet those valuable possibilities can be quickly uncovered with a little curious digging.

Ask yourself why, and ask yourself why not. Think about what is, and then wonder about what if.

In life's joys, in the problems, in the pleasures and in the disappointments, there are the seeds of innovation and progress. Take the time to look and to wonder, and you'll see great new value that's waiting to be created.

In even the most tedious situations, there are fascinating details. And in those details reside countless opportunities.

Find something truly fascinating about where you are. And you'll find a new, effective pathway to wherever you wish to go.

- Ralph Marston

Times Like Th(e)se

times like those
a low-land home
heaven and earth filled the room
'til the windows broke
children rose

J. Tillman, Marked In the Valley (Year In the Kingdom)
Special thanks to Jackal who has always provided me with uncanny soundtracks for whatever thoughts I'm presently chewing upon.

"Haiti" and What We Can Learn From Katrina

(photo- Katyn Monument, Harbor East, Baltimore. May 2008.)

"Choosing the humanistic approach to other people’s misery brings certain obligations. The first is humanitarian: the generous response of ordinary Americans, along with the quick dispatch of troops and supplies by the U.S. government, met this responsibility, though it couldn’t answer the overwhelming needs of people in Haiti. But beyond rescue and relief lies the harder task of figuring out what the United States and other countries can and ought to do for Haiti over the long term, and what Haiti is capable of doing for itself." - "Suffering," George Packer, The New Yorker, Jan 25 2010

This March, I am headed to New Orleans for a week to volunteer for a Habitat project that's building a community of homes along a devastated stretch of land by the river. The decision process in my choosing to embark on this mission came in equal parts sudden and prolonged.

The prolonged aspect was this: for the past several years, I've been at odds with myself and my place in this world. I've waxed poetical on this blog (often injecting narcissistic ruins and self-deprecating moments of doubt) about the process and, from a standpoint although not quite yet fully outside of it but clearly on the other side of something, I realized that all of this soul-searching and circular thinking was yielding....nothing. Was it wasted? Certainly not. Was it necessary? Of course. Was it productive? Depends on how you measure. But was it moving forward? Not anymore.

The realization that inaction is a form of action was no longer working culminated in a moment where I realized how very small I am, how very large the world is, and how very interconnected we are. All of this rationalizing and theorizing brought me to the idea that I should take all of this excess "I don't know what to do with myself" energy and put it to good use. And so, I decided to volunteer, to do something big, to plan and execute some sort of project that would, in some way, directly help others.

Whenever you commit yourself to something, it seems that doors open. Within the week of my decision to attempt to find some outlet for this newly-found goal, an email found its way to me via various outlets seeking volunteers for a Habitat trip to New Orleans. I met with the organizer of the trip a week later and signed the paperwork.

Once I started doing research, I became more and more fully committed to the idea of the RHINO project (Rebuilding Hope In New Orleans.) The thing with great world crises (think Katrina, the tsunami, etc.) is that there is a great momentum at the onset to help. Media outlets are on the scene, showing us graphic images of people in desperate need. We reach out to our fellow human beings, we give everything we are able, and we rush in to help in the moment of crisis.

But this is problematic because, like anything with a great initial momentum, at some point it falters if not fueled. And the state of New Orleans and the destruction of Katrina are still dire and present. However one might argue about the initial lack of help and response, it was certainly on the nation's radar through much of 2005-2006 and initiatives to help gradually snowballed as the tense political scene danced around trying to downplay the damage while putting as much emphasis as possible on the supposed outpouring of help.

But now, so many years later, is when the desperation reaches its apex. Funds are running dry and being redirected towards newer, more vogue causes. When people think to donate money, time, or other resources, Katrina is slowly but surely falling off the map. And the consequences? The levies, which were so far below code before the hurricanes, would not be able to withstand another hit. Not because people "shouldn't be living in lowland areas near rivers," as it's been argued, but because the need for stringent rebuilding procedures and uncorrupted contractors, and local politicians with an eye on the future of New Orleans as a thriving and healthy city as opposed to one hand in the pocket all require long-term help and care. Once the immediate sick and injured have been tended to, once all of the victims have a bed to sleep in and meals to count on, that's where the real work starts.

It will be the same with Haiti. One of the world's poorest countries cannot come back from devastation like this without long-term planning and continuing efforts. Five, six, seven years from now when the dead have been buried, what will we be doing to assist? How can we help pull this country up from the rubble, invest in it, and rebuild it so that it actually stands a chance of surviving anything else the universe might throw at it?

Buzz words and catch phrases and celebrity involvement put crises in vogue. Jennifer Lopez answers phones at a donations center while Wyclef Jean tearfully begs for donations for his home country. They get involved, but where will they be when the bigger questions need to be answered? When corrupt politicians and a history of desperate poverty prove to be the true ruin of Haiti?

And so, I pack up my jeans with the holes in the knees and hope that they'll have a hammer on-site (because you can't fly with jack shit these days, even in checked luggage) and I'm heading down to NOLA to put my money where my mouth is, five years after the initial fact. And five years from now, maybe I'll find some initiative in Haiti to join.

Hope and help aren't just about initial reactions. It's about long-term dedication. It's about a commitment to being there, long after the dust has literally and figuratively settled.

Go Big Or Go Home

There is no passion to be found in playing small- in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.
-Nelson Mandela

2009

New Year's Resolution: Finish What You Start.

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find all the ways in which you yourself have altered.

-Nelson Mandela

Man's main task is to give birth to himself.
-Erich Fromm

Below: excerpts from a mixed-media project I submitted with Snap earlier this fall. Alas, we did not win.
All photography copyright Katie Wright.

Spacefoot

Fur meine Schatzi, Snap.

I am learning, as I make my way through my first continent, that it is remarkably easy to do things and much more frightening to contemplate them.
-Ted Simon

Go Ahead

The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are. -Anonymous