For your enjoyment:
Oh, it has been so long! Can you believe we have been apart for nearly TWO WEEKS?! Oh, the agony.
Look, I'll be honest with you. In your absence, a coupla things have changed. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Sit around for two weeks and wait for you to return to my life? I mean come on, Trivs, life happens! LIFE HAPPENS. So, yeah, I grew a beard. It wasn't my intention, it just kind of happened. I know how you hate it when I have a beard but...well...you WEREN'T HERE. So I grew a freaking beard, ok? And you know what? I LIKE IT. And not only do I like it, OTHER PEOPLE like it. Maybe that's why you hated the beard so much...you noticed all the attention I was getting from other people, and it kind of upset you a little bit, eh?
That's not all that's changed. I mean, I kind of went through a bit of a rough patch there; you know, we all face that from time to time. And I started really thinking about my life- like REALLY THINKING- and I realized....hey....what the heck is going on here, you know?! I mean, YOU KNOW? So I figured I needed to get my life in order a little bit, figure out what I want MY life to look like....don't be insulted, ok, because need I remind you that you were EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABSENT these past 2 weeks, so....anyway, I decided that what I really need to do is, like, buy an RV. I mean one of those old VW RV's....with the curtains. So I sold a bunch of your clothes (oh yeah, my bad) and cashed in some old savings bonds and bought myself a 1967 VW RV. And the curtains were ALREADY INSTALLED. Can you believe it?
So basically what I'm trying to tell you is that I'm on this like....spiritual journey. And...I feel like it's been a long time coming. We were just kind of...stuck, you know? And- don't get me wrong- I am so, SO glad that you're back and all, but....you just have to accept that I'm kind of a new person. I have a different approach to life now, and these past two weeks have been so life-changing. I read all of this graffiti and it like...reached me, you know? Like really reached me.
So we can totally be back together and all, but I'm like not shaving this beard anytime soon. That's non-negotiable. And, you know, honestly I can think of nothing I'd like more than for you to board my VW RV as my co-captain and we'll head on down this trail towards spiritual enlightenment together and all, you know?
But seriously...not shaving the beard. So don't get all over-bearing, naggy, whining Trivia on me again.
Peace and smooches,
Lady "Rainbow" Trivia