Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Grossness Continues


I digress.

First, this happened. You should prolly get caught up on that first.

Are you with me now? Ok, good. So, yesterday, I was thinking to myself - "ya know, I've been popping these prescription-strength Ibuprofens every 6 hours for the past 5 days...maybe I should back off a little and just see how things go."

Horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE idea.

I'm taking the equivalent of 12 Ibuprofen a day. I guess that's kind of a lot. And - for once - I decided to think respectfully of my liver and innards. A little break from constant medication would be nice.

So, I'd like you to close your eyes for a moment. No wait, don't - because then you won't be able to fall down the rabbit hole fairy tale of pain I'm about to take you through.

Imagine that you take one of those gorgeous $40 Williams-Sonoma cheese graters. The really shiny kind. Let's say you shrink it down, real small, and have a tiny helper (an elf, if you will) carry it inside of your mouth and proceed to vigorously grate the roof of your mouth for minutes on end. 

Let's start there.

Then, let's say that this elf then goes down and repeats the procedure to the gum line just below your lower front teeth. 

Still with me? Do you need some Ibuprofen? YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY OF MINE.

Now, let's say that the elf recruits his or her much-larger buddy - say a giant of sorts - to come and punch you square in the face. 

Adding to this funness, let's say that the stitches on the roof of your mouth have now carved an irritated swath across your tongue. Kind of like a gentler Williams-Sonoma cheese grater. 

Basically - my entire mouth and jaw felt like one massive, oozing canker sore. 

It took almost an hour for the Ibuprofen I frantically took to take effect. In between crying, "I'm not ready for this!" and holding ice water in my mouth trying to dilute the pain, I questioned my ability to carry on with life.

I am only being slightly dramatic here.

No, but seriously - this shit is Pain. Ful. I don't think I realized the extent of it, because I've got more Ibuprofen in my system than Miley Cyrus has...well, just about anything short of nutrition. Plus I'm back to trying "solid" foods (beans, tiny bits of pita bread, sauteed spinach, and eggs - if you count those) and trying to get back on track with half-marathon training, so all of these things are really sort of pushing my system to the limit. 

I have an appointment to assess healing tomorrow. I can only hope that it comes with another prescription for 800mg Ibuprofen because I'm running dangerously low. And I just can't cope with the cheese-grated mouth.

Even if it is a really nice cheese grater from Williams-Sonoma.

1 comment:

katiebird said...

Ew. It's times like this I wish your descriptions didn't make so much sense. MMMmm for smoothies and soup right?