Spankin' Fresh

It never ceases to amaze me what a good night's sleep, a good morning run, and a triple latte will do for your general demeanor.

Citizens of Baltimore, be happy, for I shall let you ahead of me in traffic and politely hold doors open for you as I feel like a human being once again after weeks of uproot and disorganization.

I did discover, however, that I have been changing all of my personal information to the wrong address. Apparently "5" and "3" are not the same number, and this makes a significant difference in one's address.

Along that vein, it also never ceases to amaze me what some sauvignon blanc and Valerian root will do for your sleeping patterns. Talk about faceplant.

Couch Woman

It took no time at all, really.

Jackal came over this morning to exchange gifts. And by "this morning," I mean "approximately 1:30pm." And I was still on the couch in my pajamas. Watching "United States of Tara" which, as expected, I am now obsessed with. Netflix had better get me those next two DVDs STAT or I'm going to fall into a withdrawal fit.

It's freezing cold out, I have nowhere to be and nothing pressing (aside from the novel I still haven't written, but...well...we all have our things) and so the slide from Normal Functioning Human Being to Couch Woman was swifter then I thought. I was even eating soup. Out of a coffee mug. How slippery the slope.

I had brief grand delusions of going to DC for the day, art museuming it up, injecting a little culture into my life and kick-starting my creative organ again. Take the train, listen to all the awesome new music I've been gifted lately on my iPod, finish a bunch of books, write in my journal. Day tripping.

And then....the couch happened, and it was just all downhill from there. Comfy pants. Hot tea. Wine. On Demand. "United States of Tara." Blankets. Cats curled up all over me. Ohhhhhh, it was a swift decline. Did I shower yet today? Who cares? The cats certainly don't seem to. Hair sticky outy in ten thousand directions. I am....attractive. Blatantly clear that I am going nowhere fast.

Some exaggeration here, however slight. I actually showered and am out and about in the world, sitting in Teavolve with Lee. I'm supposed to be working on my writing. Instead, I'm blogging and day dreaming about....my couch.

I can see how people become hermits. If Jackal hadn't come over and forced me to interact socially like a normal human being, and if Lee hadn't then called me and reminded me that we had a writing date at Teavolve, it's entirely possible I would still be on the couch under my blankets. When it's cold like this, I just want to hibernate.

Wake me up when it's spring. Or when I have to go back to work, I guess. One or the other.

In the meantime....I'll be on the couch.

Christmas Miracle

I made it.

Somehow, I got through Hell Week. It was kind of a nightmare. On the other side of it, I can breathe again but in the midst of it was a kind of stress I hadn't tapped into since Masters comps. I had known December was going to be busy, knew that deadlines before the end of the year were looming, but what I hadn't anticipated was the sort of batshit crazy that can only crop up working for a non-profit. Oh, and Mercury has been in retrograde. Thanksssssssssss.

Zero sleep, too much caffeine, skipping meals and then eating odd things at strange hours, all while trying to balance some fun in there too (Book Club dinner, gingerbread house making, dinner parties with friends, and maybe a few minutes here and there to try and read a page of The Hunger Games [my new favorite thing]) and attempt to maintain HOLIDAY CHEER all led to me feeling more burned out then I think I have ever been. It's a miracle I am not completely sick, because the only times I get sick are when I am totally run down. I worry that now that I have said this, I am about to be hit with a freight train of flu. But so far so good.

In the last hour of my day yesterday, just as it was looking as though I was going to have to work forever, I was called into my boss's office and granted the most precious holiday gift I have ever been given- leave request granted. I suddenly have time off. I got everything (mostly) done! I HAVE DAYS OFF! I can...I can....READ BOOKS! I can watch all the seasons of United States of Tara! I can finally finish my subversive cross stitch! I can go for runs in the middle of the day! I can....SLEEP. I can SLEEP. Ohhh, sleep.

Honestly, I could go without a single present this year so grateful am I for this one. I do have to work a couple of days next week but, mostly, I'm free until January 3. I've never had such a long stretch of unplanned, unscheduled time. It feels so luxurious I might overdose. Come next Friday I might find myself still in pajamas at 5pm, unshowered for days, eating peanut butter straight out of the jar with a spoon. Classy.

Or, knowing me, I will attempt to fill this time with "productivity." Organizing, cleaning, errand-running, writing. Blah. I need to not let my inner PRODUCTIVITY VOICE take over this delicious vacation time.

So I come into this Christmas Eve a happy, happy girl. Despite everything, I love my job, I love what I do, and I especially love the sweet, sweet relief of reward that comes after so much hard work. And I get to spend the holidays with my family and friends. This is one happy girl right here.

I promise I will post the Gingerbread Incident. Now that I have all of this time....no excuses!

Cheers, Glitteratis- may your holidays be merry and bright, and may you take time for a breath and some relaxation. And by relaxation I mean passing out on the couch under 17 blankets watching terrible daytime television and reading British chick lit. Ohhh, heaven.

Take Initiative

#6 on the Happiness Project: Take Initiative at work.

How does this translate?

MERCURY RETROGRADE has me in a state of unease. I am disorganized, feeling sleepy and slightly panicked, and seriously self-doubting. Why do these things always go altogether like some jambling, horrible, off-key sonata? I constantly feel as though I am a step behind, or too far ahead, or somehow lacking crucial details. This is typical Mercury Retrograde, but also typical of what happens whenever I neglect to allot enough time for what I've come to term "White Space."

White Space is clean, clear, and under control. White Space is "I don't have to be anywhere at this moment but where I am." White Space is "STFU, turn the phone off, and no, I am not answering that email RIGHTTHISSECOND." White Space is an active passiveness, a stepping away.

I find excellent White Space in monotonous activities. Cooking, showering, on the treadmill at the gym. When my body is occupied and my mind is mine, all mine. But you can find White Space in a variety of environments and tasks.

Not driving. White Space requires a sense of relaxation, of not-constant vigilence. Maybe a long drive. Sunset in autumn, wide road, destination far off, no traffic, music blaring. That could be White Space.

White Space is undemanding, and requires nothing of you but the untangling of thought processes and the general resetting of one's state of being. Interruptions, false starts, or impatient stimuli disturb this.

So...how does this translate to taking initiative at work and happiness? Well, I define "work" as not simply what you do during business hours or how you make money, but any sort of project that you engage in that requires brain or brawn power. It could be errands, chores, To Do's, any of those things. Taking initiative and actively grabbing responsibility causes wheels to turn and things to get done.

All in the hope of creating more White Space for oneself.

White Space requires a silencing of all other demands, and most of the time the only way these demands in our lives can be silenced is if they are addressed. To pursue White Space means to clear up the clutter of your life, to tie up the loose ends and dot "i's" and cross "t's" and confirm, confirm, confirm. That way, nothing can creep in to White Space. Taking initiative to clear your own plate of responsibility not only makes you feel able and proactive, it also gives you a sense of completion and productivity that will come in handy when you're ready to wipe the slate clean and decompress.

It's sort of like lying on the couch. Lying on the couch, reading chick lit. How relaxing! But wait....did you remember to take out the trash? If it doesn't go out right now, you'll forget. And if you forget, the bins will be overflowing next week and you'll receive one of those ridiculously passive aggressive "friendly reminders" from your Neighborhood Association representative who--of course--has been keeping tabs on the state of your garbage disposal. And taking out the trash requires- crap- that you purchase new trash bags. Which means you have to put gas in your car.

Lying on the couch reading a chick lit book has suddenly become a Thursday evening nightmare of chores and To Do lists.

Taking initiative means keeping all of the little tick tocks of your life up-to-date, in working order, and at least halfway full with a note (physically written and placed strategically) to buy more. To avoid interruption of White Space. To cultivate a sense of completion and relaxation. Which leads to.....happiness. Oh the joy of chores done, clean house, phone calls made, wine glass full, new book to be read, and no where to be or anyone to answer to. Bliss!

I liken it to vacation. When I go on vacation, I want the house spotless, laundry done, bills paid, chores completed so that when I come back, I am walking into a clear space. Whilst on vacation, I'm not lying there obsessing over whether or not I remembered to buy cat litter. It's been done. I took care of it. Breathe sigh of relief. Nothing infiltrates White Space.

Take initiative. On the job, start to notice little loose ends that require tightening. Confirm, confirm, confirm.

(I cannot stress this point enough: CONFIRM!)

I wish you healthy productivity and rejuvenating White Space. Get cracking.

Lovely.

Lovely weekend. No traffic. Beautiful weather.

Outlet shopping, sleeping in, crab picking, kayaking, bald-eagle sighting, champagne-drinking, ice cream eating, boardwalk ride-going, beach napping, drinking fire pit-side, dancing, bike riding at sunset, long running, sub-eating, book-reading, magazine-browsing, sunny, delightful weekend. All with good friends and excellent company.

A very nice way to end what I can only describe as one of the best summers of my adult life. A lot of things came together for me this summer, and a lot of new paths opened. But, during it all, I would say that I did a pretty damn good job of squeezing everything I could out of summatime this year.

Last night on my way back from the beach, I stopped at a coffee shop on my college's campus for some tea. It was about eight o'clock, and students were buying coffee and snacks, chairs circled up already for discussion groups and meetings to kick off the new semester. At first, when I walked in, I had the distinct feeling that I had mistakenly wandered into a high school. And then I realized that I am exactly ten years older than incoming freshmen this year. TEN YEARS. It felt so odd to be standing in such a familiar location, populated by complete strangers. Children, really. My old roommate wasn't behind the counter, and no one I had ever had a crush on was perusing the Internet at one of the computer stations. The art on the walls had been done by no one I know, and the furniture had been swapped out since I graduated in 2004. Still, as I walked across the dark parking lot to my car (dark at 8pm! Fall is most definitely on its way!), the lights buzzed familiarly, the leaves crunched the way they always did, and across the road the neon TCBY sign clicked just as steadily as it did all four years of my college education.

I feel as though fall is naturally a winding down, take-stock time before I settle in for winter. This fall, in particular, feels like a lot of things are culminating. After a frenetic and highly-charged summer full of everything I most love to do, fall is time for deep breaths and clean rooms and a general feeling of settling into this new life.

Not that it will feel like fall anytime soon. This 90-degree weather will most likely stick around for awhile. But that's ok. Plenty of time for the cold to set in.

Cheers, Summer. You rocked my world.

Vay-Cay

Oh, Friday, you simply could not come fast enough for NG, here.

Hurricane be damned, I'm beach-bound this weekend! The break is more than appreciated. Since the Fourth, I've been in gogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogo mode between New Job and Old Jobs and Book Club and Trivia and friends and boys and all of those things that make you stop and go...."What happened to August? Was there an August in there? Have I slept at all since the beginning of July?"

Answer: Not really.

So I'm skipping town to unwind my head and body from these knots they've been in. It can rain all weekend for all I care: I have a Jane Green and a supply of sauv blanc from my new most favorite place on earth, and that should keep me occupied for awhile. I am hoping to get a kayaking trip in at some point this weekend. Do hurricanes cause riptides in backwater Eastern shore creeks? We shall find out.

In other news, Stephen Hawking is stirring up the science-religion debate with his suggestion that "the universe can and will create itself from nothing [...] It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper [fuse] and set the universe going." Oof, Hawking. Surely you anticipated the world's reaction to that.

Those who never believed in God in the first place jump all over the argument as testament to their beliefs (because atheism is a belief structure that requires just as much faith as any other religion), and those who were on the fence might find the statement an easy "out." Those who did- and still do- are picking apart Hawking's wording.
"Hawking's god is a god-of-the-gaps used to plug present gaps in our scientific knowledge. Science provides us with a wonderful narrative as to how [existence] may happen, but theology addresses the meaning of the narrative,"commented Denis Alexander, director of The Faraday Institute for Science and Religion.

That's the real missing gap, isn't it? Meaning, I mean. We can postulate away the hand of some God in creation, we can find a thousand theorems to prove that there is nothing out in the universe but endless dark matter and cosmic dust, but the fact remains that we will derive no joy or feel for existence from solving complex math riddles. I agree with Alexander's assessment that Hawking is discussing another god, a sort of random factor that scientists once attributed to some divine intervention. But Hawking can't explain away the existence of faith, and I don't think he's trying to. In the search for the spark of existence, while science can measure and attest, there's no logical formula for meaning, thought, beauty, art, and all of the things that conjoin to form our human assessment of life via spirituality. This God is a separate God-- and if you are monotheistic the only God--and Hawking's statement that God's hand in creation is unnecessary does nothing to devalue the ultimate poetry. If you believe, that is.

People will undoubtedly line up on all sides of this debate to debunk, refute, support, cry out, uplift, embrace, or even completely ignore Hawking's new work. At the end of the day, however, it comes down to a question of faith.

On that note....tying up loose ends here and then packing up the car to head to the shore! Peace out, Glitteratis, and enjoy the holiday weekend.