Expat - Days 2 and 3

In this uber-exciting account, the cats arrive and we make an epic trip to IKEA.

First of all, I keep forgetting that I've only been here for 3 days. I am trying to figure out why I'm tired all of the time, and then I remember that I'm still burned out from my last hectic month in Baltimore and now currently trying to remember my new phone number, what time it is where, and what is in my shipment (in a boat somewhere crossing the Atlantic) and what I need to buy. Also, in other interesting discoveries, no one seems to know where anything is. I have thrice - perhaps even more - now gotten into taxis and had the cab driver ask me for directions to where I am going. You're asking the wrong person, here, dude. There are like 14 highways that crisscross this area and I have no clue what goes where.

Live animals! 50 pounds of paperwork taped to the top.

Moving the cats was simultaneously the easiest and most stressful aspect of the move. Easiest because we used a fantastic service - Pet Relocation - and they took care of everything. They told me which vet to use in Baltimore (apparently, you need one certified in international travel), helped me set up appointments, made sure I had all of the right paperwork correctly filled out, looked at the cats' records and told me which vaccines they needed, and walked me through every step of the process. They even told me exactly which carriers to purchase which are approved for international travel. The stress aspect came from the upsetting knowledge that I would be putting the cats through a lot to get them to the Middle East. Fiona, aka "Small, Troubled Cat," (click here for pics) throws a royal bitchfit whenever she has to go somewhere in the car so I couldn't imagine sticking her on a plane for umpteen hours.

A couple of things I didn't know about international pet travel:

1. As of (insert historical date here), pets are not allowed inside the cabin of commercial airliners when flying internationally. Instead, they must be shipped as cargo in a special pressurized cabin dedicated solely for this purpose. As a result, there are a limited number of carriers that actually do pet transfer services - Lufthansa, British Airways, and KLM to name the 3 that I know of. The plus side is that the hubs for each of these have boarding facilities and are well-versed in pet travel.

2. A reputable pet transfer service WILL NOT SEDATE YOUR PETS. I had originally thought this was the most humane way to get animals through very long flights, but my agent gave me some literature explaining that animals are naturally predisposed to dealing with high levels of stress and that sedation will confuse their bodies and can cause them to go into cardiac arrest. This is apparently the primary reason for things going wrong in pet shipments. 

The Relocater agent worked with me for the past month explaining each step of the process - health certificates, vaccines within 30 days, final vet visit within 10 days of travel, USDA health certificate approval - there was more paperwork involved in shipping the cats than my visa has required. An agent picked up the cats from where I was staying in Baltimore and another agent brought them to our new flat in Abu Dhabi. Door to door service! Also, they signed me up for Flight Aware alerts so I knew when the cats' flights departed and arrived, and they gave me all of the tracking information for the shipment. 

I wonder if the Animal Hotel is near the Red Light District?

The cats had a 10 or so hour layover in Amsterdam where they stayed in a kennel, had their crates cleaned, and were given food and water and a litter box. The agent in Abu Dhabi called once he had cleared customs with the cats and assured me that both were alive and looked good.

I have no idea how much either cat freaked out over the 48 hours that we were on our separate travels from Baltimore to Abu Dhabi, but I will say that within an hour or so of arriving in the new flat they were eagerly eating treats and purring and acting completely normal. However much #smalltroubledcat freaks out, she bounces right back. I didn't get much sleep that night because she slept ON my neck, licking my face. 

I was so relieved to have both cats arrive healthy - although probably not happy - and they are settling in quite well in the new flat. They have a balcony to lie on and many windows to look out of, and it's not -10 degrees the way it was in Baltimore so they're not huddled around the radiators trying to keep warm. Everyone is quite happy.

New desk! (one of 3 trolleys)

On the third day, God created IKEA and we went and bought everything. I didn't ship much in the way of furniture, and The Gentleman was living previously in a furnished apartment, so we had to buy things like a coffee table, dressers, a dining table and chairs, and a desk for me. Fortunately, if you spend more than 2500dhs (about $680 - which we most definitely did) they not only do free delivery but provide a team to put your furniture together. Huzzah not having to assemble IKEA furniture! 

Also, it's important to note that IKEA hosts Curry Wednesdays and you can make reservations for two for the classy IKEA Valentine's Dinner. The Gentleman refused to acquiesce, leaving me to believe that he doesn't think I deserve reservations for Valentine's Day at IKEA. Jerk.

All of our new furniture will be delivered on Monday, which will be quite welcomed as we're currently using cardboard boxes as our coffee table and have clothes all over everywhere because there's nowhere to put them. I did buy plates, bowls, utensils, and some pots so last night we had a very civilized dinner of leftovers on actual plates instead of paper and using actual utensils instead of plastic. 

The cats are weirdly obsessed with the shower. They don't understand it, and they like to go in it after it's been used and lick the water off of their paws. Weirdos.

 Coming up - chaos as it rains in Abu Dhabi!

The Expat Life - Day One

Abu Dhabi sunrise, desert angle.

This whole "moving to another country" thing is pret-ty crazy.

After the chaos of the past couple of weeks, the cats and The Gentleman and I all got on our respective flights and headed out across the Atlantic. And across Europe. And a good chunk of the Middle East too, because "home" now is right smack in the middle of the Middle East. 

Alas, we could not all get on the same flights. I flew Lufthansa through Frankfurt, The Gentleman British Air through Heathrow, and the cats flew KLM through Amsterdam. They had a 10 hour layover during which I sincerely hope they went to see the Van Gogh museum and Anne Frank house and didn't just hang around in "coffee shops." 

The Gentleman and I got to Abu Dhabi around the same time and, Gentleman that he is, he'd already picked up all of my (excessive) luggage and loaded it onto a handy cart. And then we headed home for our usual post-travel ritual of late-night sushi delivery, duty free wine, and Hulu.

Home. What a strange concept right now. Let's talk about that in a couple of weeks. Right now, I keep having weird flashbacks that I didn't mail my rent check or that I need to stop by Target to pick up paper towels. I was a bit disappointed at the movie selection on Lufthansa and briefly wondered if they would have better picks on the return flight and then realized - dizzingly - that for the first time, there is no return flight. That was a one-way. Return to Baltimore TBD. 

Jet lag hit me particularly hard this time - I blame the lack of movies on Lufthansa and the ridiculously comfy business class recliner seats because I slept way too much on my flights - and I woke up at 4am. I sat on the couch amidst the sparse flat (my shipment won't arrive until sometime in March, and we are so devoid of furniture and household goods that I ate my oatmeal with a plastic fork this morning) and had the first moment of true realization. Everything has been such a frantic tornado of errands and chores and last goodbyes and this was - quite honestly - the first moment of quiet reflection I've had in possibly over a month. 

I realized the daunting overwhelm of moving to a new country and felt dizzy. The weather forecast popped up on my phone - snow. Definitely the forecast for Baltimore, because Abu Dhabi is ranging delightfully in the 65-75 degree range currently. I deleted the alert for Baltimore. I suspect there will be many more moments of disentangling the details of my life in Charm City, but also moments of excitement as I begin new threads here.

I managed to go back to sleep for a couple of hours, and then followed my travel-savvy friend Jessica's advice to work out in the morning and drink copious amounts of coffee. In the gym, I met a guy (Australian, I want to say) who told me that he and his wife are starting a runner's group in the complex with a lot of interest so far. The Gentleman and I went to lunch together and then went to Etisalat (the Verizon of sorts) and set up my mobile. He dropped me off at one of the malls so I could go to the pet store and pick up food for the cats, and then I was on my own because I don't yet have a car or even a local driver's license.

Taxis in the UAE are plentiful and cheap and commonly used for routine transportation. I had no trouble getting a cab home from the mall, and then no trouble getting a second cab to the nearby (but not really walkable) grocery store.

Grocery shopping was an interesting experience - there are overwhelmingly British and Asian influences here so while you have 400 different types of biscuits to choose from and amazing spices and cooking sauces, your salsa is limited to Pace Picante. (Is that the stuff made in New York City? I can't remember.) It took me over an hour to get everything on my list, and I ended up leaving without scallions because I couldn't find them and got flustered and googled "substitute scallion" to no avail and ultimately gave up. Shopping in new grocery stores is exhausting because when you don't know how items are laid out, you wind up circling up and down the aisles looking for a single item on your list and walking right by fourteen other things that you need. Circle back, rinse, repeat.

Soooo much quinoa. WHY DO WE DO THIS??

Once home, I attacked the kitchen. The movers that The Gentleman used very kindly put things away, but they literally put one or two items in every drawer and cabinet, and The Gentleman does not have very many kitchen items. So one drawer might hold four delivery menus and a spoon and a second drawer might have garbage ties while a third is designated for two plastic forks. Maddening.

On a lovely note, I discovered that The Gentleman, like me, also excessively hoards quinoa. I found four bags of it in the pantry. Two of them opened. Between the two of us, we are going to stock a world's supply and drive up prices for resale. 

Coffee table. For now.

On a lovelier note, I'm about to go and make some dinner for us. Which we'll eat off of paper plates with plastic forks and a packing box as our coffee table, but that's fine. Because we're together, and we're here in our new home, and this is truly the first day of the rest of our lives.

Gypsy

I'm currently homeless, jobless, and without a car - and it's kind of awesome. 

I moved out of my beloved house in charming Little Italy last week and am staying temporarily with (very generous) friends in Harbor East until I exit the country this Saturday. This morning, I went to the MVA with my pal Jessica and signed over the title to her and turned in the tags for my (also beloved) Mazda 3. That car was (is) so awesome, and it's going to a very good new life with Jessica who, I know, will love and care for her as much as I did. 

The Gentleman got in last night, and we managed to catch some of the Superbowl (what the hell was that) before totally passing out from sheer exhaustion.

And then, suddenly, everything that I needed to do is done. All of the balls are no longer in my court,  but in the courts of those holding my international paperwork and earthly belongings and all I have to do for the rest of the week is tie up a few loose ends, present my Capstone project for my certification, graduate with said certification, and say a lot of tearful goodbyes.

There's nothing like moving to another country to bring you closer to people you love. Every lunch, brunch, dinner, drink, walk, and workout is painted with "only x left" or "one last," and it's also a time of recollection. "Remember when we..." and "Remember that time..." All of these conversations bring to a close the life you have been living and remind you that, whatever ish went down, all of it was mostly good and fun and will be missed.

And, suddenly, after a year and a half of long distance, The Gentleman - who is no longer my boyfriend, but - I hate this word but - my fiance is here, and there's no pending goodbye, no terrible public airport moment or tearful car ride home alone after a drop off. When we leave Baltimore on Saturday, we leave together, and we head to our new home in the desert. It will take some getting used to to have his handsomeness around me all of the time. Also, I fear a coup between him and the cats. There will be battles. But we'll figure it out.

Excitingly, there are invitations for book clubs, weekends in Dubai, workout classes, brunches, and dinners already in what will be my new home. Over the last year and a half, we've cultivated the seeds of what I hope will become good friends out there and a social life that will prove as fun and fulfilling as the one I had in Baltimore, albeit in a completely different setting. 

But, for now, it's wrapping up the few loose ends that exist here, attending some lovely gatherings full of people we know and love who are coming out to wish us well on our adventure, and making sure that the cats feel loved and appreciated in the midst of the craziness. 

And it's kind of nice to be a gypsy. But only for a week. I'll be ready to go home by the end of it.

Empty Room

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another" -Anatole France

There is just something about an empty room. It's the same room - my room, the same four walls I've lived in for the last few years. The same view from the windows, the same light coming in at exactly the same angle as it has around 4pm on a winter's day. Devoid of the things that make a room a bedroom, however; a bed, a lamp, a shelf of books; it's just a room. Where someone new will see possibilities, I see what was.

I don't think I have ever made such a drastic transition in my entire life, and I don't think I have ever been so ready to do so. In my time here in Baltimore, I've done everything I wanted to do, I've lived every life I wanted to live here, and I'm ready to move on. I'm ready for a new climate, a new culture, a new favorite cafe to work in, a new job, a new (permanent) roommate who I'm pretty psyched to live with, and the next stage of my life.

"We must die to one life before we can enter another." So many goodbyes in the past week, and many more to come in my last 8 days here in the States. These changes have been so very longed for, but they do have their melancholy. And there will be slips and scrapes and bad navigation and tearful conversations back home because the UAE doesn't have the right shampoo for girls with fine blonde hair and transition, but I welcome it. 

While I hope to one day feel more settled than I have, I hope to never be complacent. New challenges, new adventures, new paths while still working hard to maintain the love and relationships and lessons learned from prior lives. Because you can - and should - never fully shed yourself of your past lives. Rather, they should inform and complement the stages to come.

I leave one empty room behind with most of my earthly possessions packed into a shipping crate that will begin it's terrifically slow plod across the Atlantic next week (and take 6 weeks to reach me in the Middle East), but there is another empty room waiting for me. A room where I'll put a bed, a lamp, a shelf of books, and make it into a bedroom. An office. A living room. A really fabulous balcony. One life is being tied up in neat little bows, but another is only just forming. 

And leaving behind a part of myself is just fine by me - because that means there is always something to come back to to visit.

Holidaze!

HAPPY HOLIDAZE!

Over the next two weeks, I will be traveling a grand total of 21,484 miles. For scale, the circumference of the globe is 24,901 miles. I'm missing it by 3,417 miles. Damn.

The magic formula of this mileage looks a little something like this:

Baltimore > New Jersey > Dulles > Doha, Qatar (layover) > Abu Dhabi (layover) > Amsterdam (layover) > Prague (for 2 days) > Amsterdam (layover) > Abu Dhabi (5 days) > Doha, Qatar (layover) > Dulles > Baltimore

= #YOLO?

= #guaranteedflu?

= #whiskeytangofoxtrot

This holiday season, I decided to do...everything! Spend Christmas day with the entire extended family, fly to Europe (via Abu Dhabi because, believe it or not, is was almost $2,000 CHEAPER to do so) for two days to be with The Gentleman's family who are overseas visiting Prague, and then to Abu Dhabi to spend New Years and also begin moving into our new flat which is available January 1. Huzzah! Exhaustion! Emergen-C! 

In between all of this, I am wrapping up my final paper for a year and a half long certification I've been doing through University of Baltimore, and gearing up for the last 3 weeks at my job when I get back in January. And packing up my existence and moving to another country by February 8. 

You know, no big deal.

One of the things I am most looking forward to in my expatriation is the opportunity to unpack my suitcase and LEAVE it unpacked for more than a couple of months. To just breathe for a few months and not gear up stress about time off of work, customs, time changes, currency exchanges, the potential of lost luggage, and standing in line for security. 

Do you have any idea how much of my life has been spent standing in line for airport security?

A lot.

I plan to sleep through most of February upon my arrival.

I am certain that this will not be the end of crazy travel at the holidays, especially in the future when we will not only be crossing the Atlantic multiple times a year but trying to see family and friends on both coasts of the US, but it will (happily) be the end of this chaotic long distance relationship. I'll gladly take the trade-offs. 

And it really is amazing to think that, within the span of a week, you can spend Christmas day with all of your extended family, then hop on a plane(s) and be in the Christmas markets of Prague with your partner and your partner's family, and then hop on a plane(s) again and be in the Middle East in the lovely 75 degree weather. Can't complain about any of that.

Thus, I embark on my two weeks of insanity starting today with a drive up to New Jersey to be with the whole family for Christmas day. Which I'm quite excited about. 

I just need take a metric shit ton of vitamins and Emergen-C. And possibly wear a SARs mask.


TECHNICAL SIDE NOTE FOR MY FELLOW BLOGGERS:
After The Big Move, I have grand plans for a blog redesign and re-launch. I'm thinking about moving to Wordpress or Squarespace. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Ski Dubai and some General Observations

Greetings, Glitterati! I'm going to be wrapping up my Abu Dhabi posts just in time for my next bout of travel which begins towards the end of this month. The Gentleman and I are headed out west for a wedding in California, and I'm making a stop on the way to visit Lee and Hot Curry (WHO NEVER UPDATE THEIR DAMN BLOG) in Salt Lake where I am excited to go hiking, drink delicious microbrews, see Mormons in their natural habitat, and hopefully stalk dooce. In a totally non-stalkery, breezy, Imagine seeing you here! sort of way where I die inside and try to hold it together and not be all OMG IT'S HEATHER ARMSTRONG!. Because that would be weird.

Anyhoodle, on my last trip out to Abu Dhabi, we totally went to Ski Dubai. We had to. How can you not? It's a ski resort in the middle of a mall. We saw it on our first trip out there and vowed to return.

A friend who had been before prepped us as to what to bring/wear and that was incredibly helpful. They give you full-body jump suits and warm socks, which is included in the lift ticket, but we brought hats and gloves with us. You can buy them there at the sport's shop but they aren't cheap. 

We went in the middle of the day on a Monday and it wasn't crowded at all, but I'm told that it can be packed on weekends with long lines. We paid for two hours of skiing and, believe me, that was plenty. This is not a ski resort - this is one run (two if you count the bunny hill, which is really just the lower half of the larger run), and it's about a 5 minute ride to the top in the ski lift (yes, there's a lift). With no lines to contend with, we probably got at least a dozen or so runs in with time for a coffee and snack break at the Apres Ski located halfway down the run. You can also do a full day pass, but unless it's really crowded I can't imagine wanting to be there for a full day of skiing.

SKI DUBAI INTENSE

Lift tickets and free socks!

My totally awesome skiing suit.

One thing I wasn't expecting was that it was cold. Underneath that jump suit, I'm wearing shorts and a T-shirt because it's approximately 98 thousand degrees outside (it's THE MIDDLE EAST), but once inside the conditioned ski area, it's freezing. I had gloves and a hat on, as well as multiple pairs of socks, and I got so cold that we had to take a break in the Apres Ski cafe for some espresso to warm up for a bit. Don't be fooled by the fact that it's a man-made ski slope in the middle of the mall - it's cold as hell.

The slope itself is also a decent run. It takes just a minute or so to get to the bottom, and there are several different paths you can take depending on your skill level, but it's actually not a bad incline. After about a dozen or so runs, however, we got bored of the same old scenery (tall walls painted industrial blue and fake trees and wooden lodges).

They also have a Snow Park with penguins, toboggans, bobsled, snowball throwing area, and an igloo. I get it: it's the desert, this is exoticism at its highest. But having grown up in the Mid-Atlantic North East, I can't imagine purchasing a day pass to go and play in snow. 

It was definitely a lot of fun. I hadn't been on skis in years, so it was good practice to gear up for hopefully some ski trips in the future. It was also pretty opulent to be inside a snow globe of man-made snow in the middle of the desert. Sort of the ultimate in opulence, really.

Which brings me to the last of my observations from this May 2013 trip. I've been to Abu Dhabi twice now and am headed back over for New Years in December. And there are a couple'a things that seem to remain consistent. 

1. Park anywhere you like.

I thought Rome, Italy, and Amman, Jordan, were the most ridiculous in terms of trying to drive. And then came Abu Dhabi. Everyone has giant, obnoxious cars, and everyone drives them in giant, obnoxious ways. Rules? Regulations? Pssshh. Do whatever you have to do, park wherever, double park, park on the curb, it's ok! THERE ARE NO RULES HERE IT'S CHAOS. Until you get in an accident. Then, there are lots and lots of rules and you're screwed.

2. Seriously.

PDA is a no-no. Hand holding, kissing in public, NO. NOT ALLOWED. We've tried to be extremely careful, but hey- we're in a long-distance relationship, and sometimes there's a hand-brushing incident or an arm around the shoulder or a quick, sneaky kiss. We take our chances when we do these things though, because as a non-married couple in a Muslim country, it's not only rude and inconsiderate, but it's illegal. As in - you will most likely be fined, but you could possibly serve jail time, or even be deported. So be careful. Just don't mess around. Think about it like this: don't do anything that you wouldn't do in church under the watchful gaze of the Pope. Be considerate. Be polite. These are not just religious considerations, but cultural. People in the US don't like public make-out sessions in nice restaurants - this is similar. Be considerate.

3. The architecture is incredible.

 The UAE is a relatively young country - it became independent from Britain in 1971 - and since then, the oil boom has been quite lucrative. Buildings here are "dressed to impress,"with attention to detail and clamoring for attention. Unfortunately, it seems like infrastructure hasn't always kept up with the incredible rate of growth and there are still some kinks to be worked out (like traffic patterns and fire escape routes). But, I never get tired of staring out at the buildings in Abu Dhabi and Dubai. 

The Corniche

Gulf of Arabia (NOT the "Persian Gulf," as I've been told)

4. It's full of surprises.

This was an ad in the Ladies' Toilets in the Mall of the Emirates in Dubai. There is so much going on here. It's amazing. The Gentleman didn't believe me when I first told him about it, so I had to go back into the Ladies' and take a picture.

Or, you know, a stretch Hummer just parked randomly on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. That, too.

The Longest. Like, Ever.

The Gentleman and I are in the midst of the longest we have ever been apart.

This fun marathon of long-distance comes courtesy the fact that we got really, really spoiled last spring/early summer, where - despite the fact that we live 7,500 miles apart - we got to see each other in March, April, May, AND June. It was a LOT of Transatlantic flights. And time changes. And foreign currency.

Currently, we are on Day 79 of an epic 115 days apart. Reunion commences next month at Dulles Airport, and from thence we shall do some fun things in Baltimore and then head to the West Coast.

There are a million moments when you think, "Wow, long distance really, really sucks." It happens when you're stuck in traffic, when you're surrounded by couples, when you're eating a really, really amazing steak and think, "He would so love a bite of this thing." It happens with the good - because you don't get to share it; and it happens with the bad - because you're dealing with shit alone.

The only time long distance doesn't totally and completely suck is the moment you're reunited. And then it's weird for about thirty minutes, like - oh, this person is holding my hand...oh, this person is - WAIT, OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU!! And then it's normal again and you're like, "What 115 days apart? That was nothing!"

I basically can't wait to get to that point.

ff
COUNTDOWN CLOCK WIDGETS

Dulles is going to be so embarrassed. 

Sandance

The whole point of going to Dubai for the weekend, originally, was because we'd all bought tickets to go to Sandance. And although we wound up doing plenty that weekend, Sandance really was the culminating event.

A month or so before I flew out there, I'd seen that Florence + The Machine was slated to play Dubai. I saw F+TM open for U2 a couple of summers ago, and she is just as amazing in concert as she is produced. But not only that, she was appearing with a pretty fantastic line-up at Atlantis Dubai. 

Sandance is really an all-day event, but we went just for the night portion of it. Traffic getting out to Atlantis was pretty bad - it's located on the very outer ring of the Palm Island that Dubai is so famous for, and there is one way onto the island and one way off - a four lane highway/tunnel that was completely chock-a-block. We took cabs as far into the island as we could, and then managed to get out at Atlantis - but only because we happened to have a friend staying at the hotel. They don't let any other riff raff in, and the actual Sandance concert is located a half mile or so away on a beach. 

Atlantis:


View Larger Map

Because we had a friend staying there, we were able to take an open-air little shuttle bus from the Atlantis grounds directly to Sandance. I'm not entirely sure how everyone else was expected to get there, but I'm told that for Sandances past, a lot of people wind up getting out of their cabs and walking the rest of the way.

I should also mention that it was about 90 degrees, at 9 o'clock at night, with about 80% humidity. Which was actually quite pleasant compared to what it could have been, believe it or not.

I think tickets were going for about $80 a person, and there were options to purchase tables (which come with varying levels of alcohol packages), but we opted for General Admission since we only went for the night portion. The dress, supposedly, was "beach attire" for daytime, but it seemed like everyone was barefoot in shorts or dresses. Also, I'm pretty sure Sandance might have been one big gathering for every ex-pat in the United Arab Emirates. Either that, or a looooot of people flew in from out of town for the event. Sponsored by Toyota, bee-tee-dubs.

The main stage. And 40 bajillion ex-pats.

Drinks were an interesting process. You could buy your drinks individually, standing in a long line and hassling for the bartender's attention, or you could purchase a party pack. Which consisted of this:

That's two bottles of vodka, cranberry juice, coke, and Red Bull. Kind of an excessive amount of sugary mixtures. 

So, basically, I drank vodka and cranberry all night. With some Red Bull.

Getting ready for the headliner!

And...there she is. (On the big screen.) Amazing. SHE IS AMAZING. AND PRETTY. AND AMAZING.

At some point, it was determined that our cooler of vodka and Red Bull was not going to be enough to sustain all of us, and so someone purchased a flat of Heineken. It did not take long for all drinks to disappear. At this point, I think we wondered if maybe the bottle service at the tables would have been a better choice.

 

The concert was pretty amazing, but to be honest, it was one of those large-scale festival-type concerts with a lot of highly intoxicated persons and so the music sort of took second stage. That also could have been because we didn't get there until late, when many of the younger and less-seasoned but more-voracious partiers had been there since like noon. Still, it was a pretty awesome time, the music was fantastic, and the port-a-potties had bidets in them. No lie.

The end of the night got a little hectic as the whole group somehow got separated, but we all made it back to the hotel in various ways. Some of us more efficiently than others (a network of buses and cabs took concert-goers back inland to Dubai, but there was some confusion about which bus was headed to which hotel, and blah blah blah), but we all made it back safely.

And thus ended #ballerweekend in Dubai. As spectacularly as it began.

Epic Brunch

To know me is to understand that one of my most favorite things in the world is brunch. Despite the fact that I worked the brunch shift at a restaurant in Baltimore for five years, which is saying something. 

I'm going to digress for a minute here and speak briefly on the topic of working a brunch shift. There are a few altruisms that exist:

1. The menu says "No Substitutions During Brunch." Everyone will order extensive substitutions, sometimes altering the dish to the point where it is something entirely new. No, you may not order a Belgian waffle with eggs and substitute the waffle for pancakes and the eggs for French toast. You may certainly order pancakes and French toast, if you'd like. No? You still want the Belgian waffle with eggs? WELL, SHOCKINGLY, THAT IS WHAT YOU'RE GETTING. NO, YOU MAY NOT EAT HALF OF IT AND THEN SEND IT BACK CLAIMING THAT IT WASN'T "WHAT YOU ORDERED."

2. That big, glorious sign that says PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED? It exists only in the eyes of the serving staff. 

3. Persons with extensive food allergies - wheat, dairy, legumes, nuts, cinnamon, citrus, and water - like to go out to brunch. It's your job to ensure that their food does not touch any of the above items, or is even in the same room with any of the above items. This means you will have to make a quick trip out of the city to the nearest organic farm, pick a bowl of perfectly ripe berries, and rush it back, in traffic, to the guest. For a 10% tip. No problem.

I digress.

My point: even though working brunch shifts for five years completely ruined parts of my soul that I will never get back, I still love brunch. Looooooove it. Mimosas, Bloody Marys, bagels, eggs, home fries, a lazy meal with friends and loved ones....totes fave.

And then I had to go to Dubai and have every favorite brunch I've ever experienced get totally blown out of the water. First, let's set the scene.

This was Day 2 of #ballerweekend in Dubai, and the morning of Sandance. My boyfriend, The Gentleman, had been to brunch at this establishment before for a going-away party and decided that no #ballerweekend would be complete without brunch at Traiteurs. (Pronounced - we think - as "traders.") Traiteurs is located in the Park Hyatt Dubai and has a pretty renowned French brunch. Brunch is held only on Fridays from 12:30-4pm (and you WILL be there the entire time), and it's something like $125 per person. This might sound slightly steep for brunch. It is. But just wait.

The Park Hyatt is totally breathtaking. It's an oasis of lush gardens and a blend of typical Arabic architecture with a Mediterranean bent. Greenery in the UAE is a measure of wealth and opulence - in the middle of the desert and backed up against the super-salty Persian Gulf, it's not the ideal location for plants. I'm always curious about the monthly water bill these places must rack up from the upkeep of the landscaping alone.

Located on the Dubai creek, and you can see part of the skyline in the background.

It's cool - you can park your yacht here.

I'm sure this is Arabic for "you will be stuffed to the gills with magnificent food items."

We made the reservation something like two or three weeks in advance, partially because there were ten of us, and partially because Traiteur gets booked up for brunch quickly. There are different packages you can buy - we opted for the Veuve Clicquot package which includes the four hours of buffet-style brunch and unlimited bubbly. We ended up ordering some other drinks too - Irish coffees and Bloody Marys - which can be added on. But the champagne is unlimited, bitches, and we made sure to take advantage of that.

Special Veuve Clicquot glasses. Classy.

Ahh, that's better.

 Forget everything you think about buffets. First of all, there were different rooms full of food (ROOMS) and a hallway with a giant cheese table. Everything was ridiculously fresh, beautiful, and enticing. I had no idea how anyone could spend four hours at brunch. I know better, now. 

The buffet is divided into different rooms, and some of the food is cooked to order. The rooms are themed, with a seafood room, carving stations, an entire roast pig on a spit out on the patio, a dessert room, and that massive marble cheese table. 

Let's dive into the courses, shall we?

To start - smoked salmon, oysters, some sort of cream fraish parfait with green stuff and a fluffy little biscuit, and foie gras creme brulee. 

A salad course with various French cheeses, peppered tuna ceviche, and mini sushi rolls.

Soup course - it was about 100 degrees outside, so I opted for the cold ones - a gazpacho-like tomato based soup and a basil-veggie-pureed something. Delicious and refreshing.

More French cheese (I freaking LOVE stinky blue cheese), foie gras, a foie gras benedict (I also freaking LOVE foie gras), and a quail's egg atop a ham hash.

Foie gras liverwurst parfait, oysters, shrimp with eyes, salmon sashimi, and bacon-wrapped dates.

Cheese, cheese, and more cheese. And quince paste, apricots, and salami. Soooooo happy.

Of course there was lobster.

You look delicious.

 And the dessert room. Ohhhh the dessert room. Chocolate fountains, ice cream sundae stations, and tiered platters of colorful treats. It was like Willy Wonka's factory. (Obviously, I'd be Veruca Salt.)

I don't even know what all of these are, but they were amazing. AMAAAAAAZING.

 We sat and ate for four hours straight. Plate after plate, resting in between to sip champagne with friends in this beautiful dining room in a beautiful hotel on the water. It was pure, unadulterated luxury. Also, I probably don't need to tell you that this was the only meal we ate that day. After four hours of stuffing ourselves silly, we went back to the hotel to get ready for the main event - Sandance (post coming soon). 

While pricey and ridiculously opulent, a Dubai brunch is definitely one of those once-in-a-lifetime things. Come hungry, and don't plan to eat for the rest of the way. Or the weekend.