Thursday, October 25, 2012

Elbow Sweat and Teeth Grinding

Last night during bikram, I discovered that my elbows sweat.

The time before, it was the medical discovery that your shins can sweat. 

Say what you will about bikram, but I feel like a million bucks afterwards. Something about sweating so much, you just can't not feel like you've been working hard for 90 minutes.

So, I was in bikram last night trying to get to that place. You know - that delightful, zen place where your mind is gently blank and you feel as though you can approach life with peaceful confidence. I get that feeling often after working out,  but it's especially evident when I do yoga or bikram, which are designed to elevate and then lower your heart rate over the course of the workout. 

But, the truth is, it's a little difficult for me to find my zen right now.

Last week with The Gentleman was lovely. Absolutely lovely. And I supposed someday I'll get more used to the hello-goodbye of our "new normal" (probably just in time for his overseas contract to end), but in the meantime I can't pretend that it's still not difficult. It was, of course, monumentally easier to say goodbye this time because I knew I'd see him in less then two weeks.

When all's said and done, I haven't had an actual vacation or time away from work since May. And it's been a very long six months. A lot has happened. I AM READY FOR VACATION.

Vacation, and travel, is excitingly stressful for me. I like for my life to be entirely in order when I leave for a long vacation - work-wise, home-wise, and packing-wise. Everything needs to be clean, everything needs to be ready to go. I need for my room to be spotless so that when I come home, I don't have to come home to a mess. I need my email inbox to be cleared, my desk clean, and my bills paid. I don't want to worry about any of it while I'm away.

And, when traveling for long periods of time, I love the preparation. Stocking up on magazines and filling up my iPod, buying sunscreen and batteries for my camera. I start a little pile in a corner of my room, and I make lists. Ooohhh, lists. I love lists.

These things also help relieve some of the excited tension of getting ready for a trip. They are like rituals, little stepping stones that mark the path towards the day you get to leave, and they are also deeply comforting. By the time I'm settling into my first glass of wine and movie aboard a flight, I know that everything has been taken care of, and that all I have to do for the next few (or 19) hours is relax.


I don't normally put much stock in weather reports regarding hurricanes, mostly because there's about a 157% margin of error. And this storm is no different, except for the fact that I am tired, stressed out, and ready to go visit The Gentleman overseas so badly that I can't bear the idea of something (ANYTHING, MOTHER NATURE) coming along and f-ing it all up.

Like, seriously.


How does that EVEN HAPPEN?

The storm is scheduled to hit somewhere between Monday and Wednesday. My flight is on Wednesday. And there's nothing I can do right now, except keep piling things to pack up in the corner of my room, and worry about how much cash to change over to durhams, and check 27 times to make sure I have my passport and international driver's license. And hope that the storm either passes by Wednesday or - better - doesn't hit at all. 

In the mean time, it's grinding my teeth and observing that my elbows (the actual elbow - not the crook, mind you) do, in fact, possess sweat glands and hope that perhaps at this time next week I will be 7,000 miles away and deeply relaxed getting a Thai massage in the Dubai mall while The Gentleman fetches me a turkish coffee and some dates. 

Fingers crossed.

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